Colne Valley Chaos - The Blog

CVC Sessions

2008-11-13T17:41:00.001Z

Hello chaps and chapettes. Last week's Plopdog/ANLB twangathon at the Sair was such jolly fun that I think we should do it again.

Who'd be interested in a regular CVC acoustic session? I'm thinking something like the 2nd Thursday or Wednesday of every month - at The Sair if Ron can be persuaded to allow it.

Thoughts?

(crossposted from the CVC group on Facebook)

Chaos at the Sair

2008-11-04T17:02:00.001Z

CHAOS AT THE SAIR!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen.

For the BENEFIT of Mr. KIPLING (whose birthday, the 40th, it is soon to be). Please be seated with glasses charged as COLNE VALLEY CHAOS noise-masters PLOPDOG play an exclusive acoustic musical set at THE SAIR on

!!! Wednesday 5th November !!!

Gunpowder! Treason! Kittens!

Also - experience the acoustic stylings of

THE ALL NEW LUCKY BOYS (reduced version) playing a (reduced) set of their favourite Colne Valley Chaos Classics (reduced).

Songs about serial killers, nothing, chavs and swedish folk tales will all feature!

CVC loves you. And you. But not you.

Drawings of Things!

2008-11-04T17:00:00.001Z

ATTENTION!

Beermat Doodles is back, Jack!

Go to beermatdoodles.com

Colne Valley Chaos 6

2008-08-27T11:17:00.001+01:00

CVC 6 was unleashed on the night of the storming Chrik / Plopdog extravaganza at the Zephyr bar in Huddersfield. CD release only at the moment - I will get some more copies to Mr. Kipling soon for distribution - anyone can email me for a copy and i'll post it on also - get my email address from http://www.colnevalleychaos.com/ (bottom of frontpage).

This installment introduces Lidd the alter ego of Elton Clay bass player of the mighty Plopdog.

Plopdog Live!

2008-08-18T17:25:00.001+01:00

Koretex v.2 Goes Live :) Director 11 Stylae...

2008-08-12T17:38:00.003+01:00

Hey colne valley reprobates, fuck me this blog has got tumble weed blowing around in it these days, I guess everyone is busy with life…good for you guys hope its fun for ya what ever you’re doing…well I managed to finally get koretex up and running the way I originally intended thanks to Carl’s help with a generous donation of Director 11 technology (i.e. I love it) so the koretex engine has now been updated to run via direct x 9, and no messy javascript interface in sight, so it should run on anything with shockwave 11 installed! So there you go, what can I say…drop your mushrooms…tune in…and phase out koretex stylae…take it easy guys/girls – hope your good :)

www.koretex.net

Koretex - Analogue 2 Digital: 1990 - 2000 Compilation (Digitally Remastered)

2008-06-14T15:32:00.006+01:00

Hey guys/girls hope your all good and been anointing yourself in olive oil for next weeks solstice gathering?! To mark the event (i.e. and my B'Day tomorrow) I finally pulled my thumb out of my butt and got this compilation together that I threatened to develop the last time I posted (erm…like one and half years ago…lol...guess I been busy doing something – fuck knows what)!

Allora…got ten copies to give away anyway so will distribute some around the fire next week, that is if my surfing buddies don’t manage to talk me into hitting Wales for the weekend instead – we’ll have to see….anyway I put my life and soul into the artwork for the cover but the quality of the music leaves a lot to be desired both programmatically and production wise (i.e. I had to digitally re-master each of the 13 tracks from old dying shitty analogue C90 type thingies; hence the title) so that’s just a subtle disclaimer not to get too excited – but at least I can lay this period of creativity to rest finally and look forward to creating some hot new vibes over summer! So there you go, take it easy and will hopefully be seeing you guys/girls soon for some serious naked equine depravity…

Reviewing the Situation

2008-06-09T20:42:00.002+01:00

After an initial jam through the proposed set list, Jason, Tom and I had a chat about the enthusiasm levels for the live version of the ANLB. Putting together a live set requires quite a bit of commitment - regular practicing, repetitive sessions going over songs to tighten them up...

We have variable levels of commitment to the task and are beginning to feel that - though it's a great idea on paper - it might be a bit of a struggle to get off the ground. Perhaps it might be better to renew energy and focus on the recording projects instead - to wit, Chaos for Kids, Chaos Covers and Chaos at the Movies - with some joint recording sessions thrown in. These can be more ad-hoc, improvisational and, hopefully, fun rather than graft.

Revised List

2008-05-05T10:31:00.004+01:00

After much discussion (mostly snarky bullying) we have the following potential set list:

Bay City Brother (Octafish)
Biscuits (Mile High Henry?)
Ghost Daddy (GWF)
Dani Behr (SW)
Flapjack (Gibs)
Shell Suit Family Robinson (ANLB)
Majestic Vacuum Cleaner (Gibs)
Magic Chair (GWF)
The Mad Mind (ANLB?)
The Song About Nothing (GWF)
Skinny Peters (Gibs)
Jimmy the Doughnut (GWF)
The Hammer (Laffmad et al)

Reserves

Sunday Drivers (Gibs)
Grandma We Love You (Gibs)
Field in Cornwall (Gibs)
Daffodil (Gibs)
Baby Cheeses (ANLB)
Spacehopper (Octafish)
Tom Cat (Mile High Henry/Octafish)
Not All There (GWF)
At Tea (GWF)
Too Good Looking to Live (GWF)
Like Me 'Cos I'm Stupid (GWF)

To explain how I've chosen. The songs in the main set list aren't neccessarily the "best" songs - they're the ones that would probably work best live. I've also been careful not to put in too many "straightforward" tunes, lest we end up sounding like The Toy Dolls or Fuzzbox...

Song for Clemmy - Good luck with your course!

2008-05-02T14:30:00.001+01:00

0=2 - familylabel

Daffodil

2008-05-02T13:21:00.010+01:00

Another possible track for the set list - as discussed in the pub last night...

http://www.mdp156.com/daffodil.mp3

UPDATE

here's the full version of the song with armed robbery

http://www.mdp156.com/armed.mp3

p.s. - CVC mp3s being restored - many of them are on different servers anyway - Karl's are the first ones to be reloaded followed by whatever I can find on my hard drive.

NEWSFLASH

2008-04-30T23:42:00.003+01:00

NEWSFLASH
ALL MP3s HAVE BEEN REMOVED FROM MY WEBSPACE BY A MYSTERIOUS INVISIBLE FORCE

any mp3s hosted on my webspace (mdp156.com) have vanished whilst all my other files remain intact - the hosting company claims they cannot remove even copyrighted material without request from the webspace holder - what the fig???!!! This effects a fair few mp3s on the CVC website.

Sunday Drivers and other Suggestions...

2008-04-30T20:54:00.003+01:00

...for the band.

pagans - soapbox

jason - majestic vacuum cleaner
jason - secret sandwich

gibs - childhood years
gibs - egyptian button salesman
gibs - animal farm

satan's willy - dani behr
satan's willy - tanya the dark one

0=2 - Island of the Spiders

2008-04-29T15:49:00.004+01:00

I was getting fed up getting album number 2 compiled so I went through all the left over tracks from the past 3 years and slapped them on this CD. These are the tracks that didn't really work in the context of the first and forthcoming albums but seem to be happier in similar company - so we have a quirkier weirder and darker style here.

0=2 - Island of the Spiders

Now I can get the other one finished and i'll be up to date!

EDIT

2 mp3s had glitches so i've reloaded them - tracks 03 - deep space and track 19- cosmic horror

gonna reload the zip now - apologies if I bump a download

Coming Soon!

2008-04-28T11:57:00.003+01:00

After some tough negotiations we can announce the confirmed live line-up of Colne Valley Chaos supergroup The All New Lucky Boys:

Jason - vocals
Kips - Guitar
Tom - Guitar
Matt - Keys and samples
Karl - Bass
Miles - Drums

The project goal is to put together a set of around 8-10 songs from the CVC back catalogue, rehearse them, then perform at a well publicised gig in Huddersfield, home of Colne Valley Chaos. That could be the end of it - or the beginning of something beautiful...

We have to decide on a set list before going forward, folks. Some of my fave GWF possibilities would be:

Jive Not Jive
Not All There
Song About Nothing
Magic Chair
Ghost Daddy
At Tea
School Daze
Don't Like me 'cos I'm Stupid

Other mooted tunes include:

Shell Suit Family Robinson (All New Lucky Boys)
The Mad Mind (All New Lucky Boys)
Me and Tom (Don't Get it On) (All New Lucky Boys)
Bay City Brother (Octafish)
Spacehopper (Octafish)
Biscuits (Jon Thomas)
Baby Cheeses (All New Lucky Boys)

Would welcome further suggestions - especially for do-able Gibs tunes!

Klonk!

2008-04-24T14:42:00.002+01:00

Tom has been very quiet about about his new(ish) band Klonk, which is a shame really as their ramshackle aimless meandering stylee and pointless Jewishness is somehow perfectly suited to Colne Valley Chaos. They make music that makes me smile in a silly way, go "ah..." and think of Franz Kafka walking to work.

It also makes me wonder why Tom dragged Octafish down the default punk-funk cul-de-sac, when this sort of thing is so much more fun...

Check 'em out:

Klonk on MySpace

LOL!

2008-04-11T01:30:00.004+01:00

colnevalleychaos.com - Hacked!

2008-03-13T11:21:00.004Z

With our obvious connections regarding multinational corporations, military operations and government security databases, our fort-knox-like DNS servers have been breached by the multi-talented Cyber-Error. Props to your cause to end all wars, but do you really think in this case your target demographic is in need of "educating" by forced means?
Try something a little more challenging next time eh?

Matt's on the case - normal service at the CVC website should resume shortly.

UPDATE: And... we're back in business... Move along please... nothing to see here...

0=2 - Hi I'm Worzel

2008-01-29T15:41:00.000Z

New Epic Track from 0=2

0=2 - Hi I'm Worzel

Post Christmas Banishment Ritual

2007-12-29T02:15:00.000Z

I'm having some fun making some vids at the moment - here are a couple for your delictation:

ORBITAL - DOCTOR LOOK OUT!

DUEL OF THE FATES - DRUM AND BASS VERSION

CVC Xmas

2007-12-23T13:26:00.000Z

Looking for that last minute christmas gift for that special someone?

Why not give them the fantabulous Colne Valley Chaos Christmas album!

http://www.colnevalleychaos.com/cvcxmas.html

Cybergothadelia

2007-12-08T18:02:00.000Z

YARSE! It's another blast from the past... this one going back SEVENTEEN YEARS to 1990. Stoned, freshly dumped and out of work, I monopolised Jason's 520 ST to churn out this set of banging oddities. I called it Cybergothadelia because I couldn't decide whether it was gothic, industrial or psychedelic, these recordings work better now than they have any right to. Though, I have to admit, this time around I left out some of the really crappy stuff...

Some trivia about this collection: Jason co-wrote "Forever Girl" - coming up with the original drum pattern. Jon (Williams/Jugulation) did the original cassette cover, now rejigged for CD. Enough gabbing! Here are the tunes:

1. Forever Girl
2. Cypher
3. I Dreamt I Was
4. Jam from Glass Apples
5. Hear Me Speak
6. Not the Same
7. This is for Zhora

Gemini Fire Monkey

2007-11-27T14:41:00.001Z

STOP PRESS - Individual links are back up - archive coming soon

I've been spending a bit of time, while stuck indoors, finishing off a set of songs for release as a CD. Almost all the main recording is now done - I've just got to go through tweaking and producing some of the older tracks so they're all up to the same standard...

This download is not it.

Instead, I've returned to an old collection of tunes, originally one side of a C60, cleaned them up and digitised them for release on the global interweb. This is the last recording I did using the Atari STE back in 1996 - so it's primitive stuff. The STE was already out of date back then... Still, there's a certain charm to this collection. You'll be able to download it in one big zip file in a little while - for now grab it one track at a time:

1. Theme from Strong Bobby
2. Liz on Phenobarbitone
3. 8:52
4. The Train Gang
5. Stop the Ride, My Nose is Bleeding
6. Mr. Spooky
7. Life of the Mind

SPUNK!

2007-11-06T13:56:00.000Z

Download CVC Halloween

2007-10-30T15:34:00.000Z

Get yer lovely downloads here - listen to individual tracks or just download a zipfile of the whole album:

http://www.colnevalleychaos.com/cvchalloween.html

Pussy? Meet Pussy.

2007-10-30T14:22:00.000Z

I may well have found Kips' dream web site here.

WARNING! This site is not suitable for work. Unless, like me, you work in your front room.

CVC Halloween Cover

2007-10-26T02:26:00.000+01:00

Back to the source.

2007-10-17T12:29:00.000+01:00

STOP PRESS - The GIBS VIDEO source tape has been found and mostly converted to a fresh DVD for ripping. Fog and I are still mulling over what to do with it. Current thoughts are about doing a DVD of the Gibs video with refreshed titles and additional footage in the form of extras. We have amongst other things enough vintage footage to create a music vid for "Electric Plugs" and a special edition of the Farmer Flippy sketch with all the fuck-ups and laughing left in. Stay tuned.

It's that time of year again...

2007-10-10T23:30:00.001+01:00

The Glory of Television!

2007-10-01T11:21:00.001+01:00

BOD - THE MEANING OF LIFE!

2007-09-09T23:46:00.000+01:00

Death Bed Disks

2007-08-30T16:49:00.000+01:00

Click Here For a Special Announcement

Jeff Lawson - America's Verandah

2007-08-09T22:29:00.000+01:00

Here's a video from a while ago - live at the Parish Pump

Madness at the Sair!

2007-08-09T21:46:00.001+01:00

Get Clawing!

2007-08-09T20:41:00.000+01:00

2 recent recordings from RABBIT CLUTCH - featuring a song not written by Kipz - in fact Set Love Free is 1 of 2 new tracks written by Joel Haslam.

NO PICNIC

SET LOVE FREE

Big Up the Mike!

2007-07-30T18:03:00.000+01:00

The Colne Valley Experience @ The Sair

2007-07-30T17:54:00.000+01:00

Full gory/naked details to follow shortly...

For Frank, RIP

2007-07-30T14:43:00.001+01:00

Radio Bingo Blowout!

2007-07-18T18:24:00.000+01:00

Feeling Tired and Jaded? Life Getting You Down? Can't find the Motivation to Eat? Step Right This Way For Help - A Whole New Batch of Life Affirming Tracks From The One and Only Radio Bingo!

22 going on 23

2007-07-11T20:49:00.001+01:00

Message from Gerry and Margot...

2007-07-03T15:52:00.000+01:00

'We're so happy about the imminent release of Colne Valley Chaos 6' and just wanted to let you all know how godammed stoked we are for it down here! Tom and Barbara are going apeshit next door listening to loads of their old Giblets and Cheese cassettes and dancing like maniacs! lol! Much as we love the old stuff, Gerry is particularly keen on The Genital Wart Factor, we can't wait to hear if the new stuff kicks as much ass! Lastly, we would like to thank TWAIN for helping us with some of our marital issues, we like to watch his Sexwatch videos and then play some of his tunes whilst exprimenting with some of the things he mentions in his broadcasts. Of course not ALL of them, the spatula is bent right out of shape after we went too far last week. LOL!

well anyway, that's all for now

don't forget to mail us a copy

love

Margot and Gerry

xxxxxxxxxxx'

This one's for Jimmy and Alfred...

2007-07-02T22:44:00.001+01:00

SIDE 1
SIDE 2

New Radio Spot for CVC 6

2007-07-02T15:58:00.000+01:00

LISTEN HERE

Colne Valley Chaos 6

2007-06-30T21:51:00.000+01:00

Ok Guys - The Time is now right for the next installment - I am starting to collate material for a brand new CVC. Just got some new Rabbit Clutch material to sift through. I will be approaching folk for material to add soon. Anyone with access to the webspace FTP can upload files there - better still would be stuff on CD. Cheers.

Colne Valley Chaos 2

2007-06-29T23:19:00.000+01:00

The Compilation page is now complete!

CVC 2

Some Tasters:

GWF - Auto Wash
Hodgie - Lovly
E-motive - Look to the Future

CHAOS 2 - More Gibs Faster!

2007-06-29T21:49:00.000+01:00

Here's the second of Kipz C60 compilations

CHAOS 2

Some tasters:

GWF - Too Good Looking to Live
GIBS - Jimmy Milgrom
Al Jolsons of Death - Going Out

Colne Valley Chaos 5 - Vampire Tree

2007-06-25T21:51:00.000+01:00

Tom Taylor's edition of the CVC series is now available on the compilations page.

CVC 5

Here's some tasters:

John Thomas - Big Rocks
GWF - Prisoner of Huddersfield Dance Mix
Mile High Henry - Mrs Confucious II

Colne Valley Chaos 4

2007-06-24T23:08:00.000+01:00

CVC 4 Up for Download on the Compilations Page

Some Tasters...

Radio Bingo - Challenge
Easy Street - Bastard Squad
Pagans - franksinatranazi

New KIPZ stuff!

2007-06-23T13:05:00.000+01:00

Here's the first update to the main CVC site for a while.

New Photos and / or Mp3s featured on the following Kipling related pages

ETR
PRIAPUS
PAGANS
LAFFMAD
KIPLING

BREAKING NEWS: Bernard Manning arrives in Hell

2007-06-20T11:02:00.000+01:00

And yes, we can join our dead correspondent in Hell right now...
Over to you...

lol - this made me laugh...

2007-06-13T02:23:00.001+01:00

Updatey, Updatey

2007-06-08T12:01:00.001+01:00

Things have been very quiet from the Twain faction of CVC of late, what with stupid amounts of real work to attend to. Still there are a couple of things worth noting.

* The secret plan to put together a live version of The All New Lucky Boys is progressing slowly with the agreement of the bumble bee jumpered Mr Kipling to come on board and play bass. Attempts to draw Jon out of the attic/pub/toilet and join us for rehearsals and thence live on stage have all been fruitless. Not a pineapple, not an apple. Not even a dirty berry. This saddens us, but still we plough on. We have a set list. We have a band. We've not all been in the same room holding our instruments at the same time, but that will happen, I'm sure.

* I've just finished repurposing an old Windows machine expressly for music production. It has a dedicated four input mixer and is running FL Studio 7, Adobe Audition, Reason LE, Melodyne and Jet Set Willy on a Spectrum emulator. Wheee! We must perform a Quirkafleeg!

* With the computerstudioatron now finished, I should be able to record some tracks for the covers CD compo - as soon as time permits. Time is a bitch though. Time has me tied to a chair with a hessian sack over my head. However, thanks to Bias Sound Soap 2.0, I have an old track ready to go! Will upload it this weekend. It's an ancient cover version of Gibs choon "Strong Bobby".

* Jon J. Ugulation handed me a grubby CD full of film related Radio Bingo t'other day. When I'm feeling sane I'll give it a listen and digitise tracks for the movie compo.

Twainy, over and out. Way out.

Henry's Smoking Column - Pre-historic smoking

2007-06-02T15:00:00.000+01:00

My current research has revealed that smoking was common through a significant chunk of pre-history.
It was first done by dragonfly-like insects in the early Palaeozoic era as a form of extreme cannibalism. As far as I can make out from the limited texts available, the central tenet of their belief system held that inhaling the 'soul smoke' of rival clans caused 'great joy and upliftment to the skies.' Gradually, the practice came to be seen as barbarous and was sold off to the now extinct Malanga fly who developed it to a fine art, using beautifully crafted obsidian pipes in convoluted rituals. They concentrated wholly on smoking members of new species with particularly desirable character traits in the belief that they would aquire more legs or a liking for sprouts, or whatever.
They seem to have had some measure of success: the dominant theory about the eventual fate of the Malanga (one I made up all by myself) is that they evolved into 'mind bees' that live in your head and become terribly agitated the morning after you have a night on the tiles, when they cause tinnitus.

self defence against monsters

2007-05-30T01:04:00.000+01:00

The Enchanters

2007-05-26T01:55:00.000+01:00

More Insanity...

The Enchanters - 0=2

Tomita Interlude

2007-05-26T01:36:00.000+01:00

Slayer on a Spectrum

2007-05-12T14:19:00.000+01:00

Check this out!

http://www.polygonskull.com/
-----------------
also...

CLICK HERE FOR RELIGIOUS GIBS!!!

Colne Valley Chaos Covers

2007-05-07T16:07:00.000+01:00

Just to get everyone up to speed on the Covers Project.

We now have 7 tracks:

Satan's Willy - GWF Medley I
Rabbit Clutch - Banana Tig (GWF)
Kipling - Adventures (Gibs)
Kipling - GWF Medley II
0=2 - Black Pudding / World Without Mirrors (Rabbit Clutch)
0=2 - Spectres in the Wind (ETR)
Fog - Meh (Karl Karcass)

They are not all uploaded yet but will be very soon
update - all now uploaded

ALSO - kips has done 2 tracks for the potential comp
Colne Valley Chaos at the Movies:

Satan's Willy - Evil Dead II
Kipling - EraserHead

New Song

2007-05-03T19:22:00.000+01:00

Here's a new tune for a new day...

New Song by 0=2

Telescopes 2007

2007-05-03T15:40:00.000+01:00

0=2 has gone and dun a new version of the Gibs classic Telscopes

Telescopes 2007

now he's gone and dun a version of the very first Gibs track

Dogs in the Study - Blanker Mix 2007

Les & Shirley

2007-05-02T17:24:00.000+01:00

It's been a bit quiet on the blog lately - so hears a little bit of classic fun to keep you going!

Especially for Wevz...

2007-04-02T22:20:00.000+01:00

The Whistling Dog

Crazy Sonix!

2007-03-18T22:17:00.000Z

Howdy - I just did a massive update of audio stuff on the secret cavern and thought a couple of 'em may be of interest to certain chaosheads.

For Example take this strangeling - Around the World with Sooty - I bet this was Frank Sidebottom's favourite record as a kid - have a listen and and see for yourself:

Side 1

Side 2

Other ones that might interest you include a luvly version of The Pied Piper read by Dear Larry Olivier which contains some really nice music of a flutey kind of nature. Also relive the future with the Missile Command read along - and if you can understand it please provide a translation for me.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE CRAZY AUDIO

Twain on MySpace

2007-03-17T23:22:00.001Z

My last MySpace page was inexplicably banned. I don't know why. That's what "inexplicably" means. Anyroad, I've given it time to calm down and I'm back on there. Hurrah! The new page is mainly for my writing projects BUT I'll also be using it to launch some CVC related stuff too - like the forthcoming Octafish video for "Spacehopper". It's only been up two days though, so is looking a bit sad so far.

If you are a MySpace monkey too, please friend me. We can start a zoo! Or, more accurately, a small primate enclosure...

Go HERE and click "Be My Stalker".

Do it now, or I'll be forced to start accepting friend invitations from 14 year old Essex rappers.

If Giblets and Cheese were X-rated...

2007-03-16T22:37:00.000Z

...They would probably do stuff a bit like this

But they aren't and they don't.

Photomania

2007-03-13T19:39:00.000Z

Oh god the memories!
Here's a trio of classic pix from back in the day that Clemmy just sent me!

Secret Cavern getting a little less Secret...

2007-03-12T23:59:00.000Z

My site The Secret Cavern is getting a bit more noticed these days - check out this nice feature from SFFaudio

http://www.sffaudio.com/2007/03/secret-cavern-of-read-along-treasures.html

Colne Valley Band of Yesteryear

2007-03-06T12:55:00.000Z

Kips came round to my house the other day sweatily clutching a pile of old photos that he wanted me to scan for the site - here's one featuring two CVC stalwarts in their youth - check it!

Timperley Rocks!

2007-03-06T12:45:00.000Z

Here's a little tribute to Frank who played in Huddersfield the other day - this clip is from a Manchester gig - quality is a bit low but this was the funniest part of the show for me!

Chaos Covers

2007-02-20T17:35:00.000Z

For all the CVC posse... I've just created a folder on the shared webspace for the new Covers project. Please post all proposed covers here to avoid repeat tracks.

Addendum:

Just thought I'd post a note here to explain what Foggy's on about in the note above. The next CVC project is "CVC Covers". Like the Christmas project, anyone associated with CVC can take part. The idea is to cover a song or piece of music by another CVC group or musician. Only rules are:

No repeat tracks.
No remakes of your own tunes.

Any further suggestions, please direct your commentary to the comments section. I thank you!

Karl

Henry's Smoking Column - Duma, the lost weeks

2007-02-17T07:37:00.000Z

Hello everyone, good to be back. For the last X weeks, I have smoked nothing but Duma, the Dutch shag that everyone brings back from trips abroad. It was a mite disorientating, to understate matters and I'm afraid I can't bring myself to write my notes up into a coherent whole. To give you some idea of the experience I had one of my (excellent) trained vervet monkeys transcribe the resulting dictaphone tapes:

[Tape begins]
So. here we are, a sunny, no, overcast Monday in March. Actually, what is the weather like? [shouts] Jo! Jocasta! What's the weather like, darling? [muffled sounds] Ok, light west south west, slight drizzle, 7 octas cover, cat refuses to go outside. Subject under test is 'Duma' rolling tobacco. I will be smoking rollies for a period of . . . well, lets see how long this batch of . . . 40 kilos lasts.
Jesus! It takes so damn long to roll one of these things I'll die of . . . Ah, that's better [blows smoke]. Hmm. Its been a while since I smoked Duma. Maybe I'll have to cancel that sub-contract and move rollie testing back in-house. Damn east Europeans get far too much work from me as it is. So. First impressions. Well, the tar content is good and high, yes I can feel the stickiness. Hmm, good stickiness. Yes, damn fine. A tick in the stickiness box. Two, yes two ticks and a second stick. Aargh! I need someone to roll for me. [shouts] Bingo! Bingo, come here and roll fags for me! [door opens] Yes, I said roll. With those little filters. There on the floor. Faster, please. Good.

Tuesday. We got rid of those damn filters about half an hour into the test, yesterday and the improvement was, well . . . er, marginal? Is that the word? Anyway, good stickiness and the flavour, after . . . 26 hours and 37 minutes, is that of [masticating noises] of . . . somewhere between new car plastic and . . . that particular humus you pick out of a gutter. Hmm, yes not bad. A tick and perhaps a squiggle in the flavour box.

Thursday is it? Bing . . . Bing . . . Go! [mutters] Bingo. Bingo. [shouts] What the hell is this squiggle doing in my flavour box? I pacifically 'splained that no unauthorised . . . unauthorised . . . [muffled sounds] oh, I did did I? Well. So there.
Day, er day 3, no, 5. Whatever, is 'feelings' day. Hey, Bingo - this 'feelings' box is huge. That's not right, is it? I love you. Yes, the feelings I have after [mumble] days of smoking . . . this stuff is of tenaciousness. Like I was listening to 'Trout Mask Replica' and wouldn't switch it off until I got to . . . let's say 'Sugar 'n spikes' even though my, er, buttocks had cramp, or something. Do I know you? [tape runs for 6 minutes 25 seconds with scraping noises]

Sunday. No, Tuesday. I . . . I can't, er . . . What? More smoke. 'Marry, sir . . . It makes him, and it mars him; it sets him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him and disheartens him; makes him stand to and not stand to. . .' [incoherent mumbling] [tape runs for 47 minutes 12 seconds with nothing but scuffling and distant yowls]
Angström!
[Tape ends]

And I'm afraid that's all. I hope you can pick some gems out of that swill and if not, then swill out of the gems. You'll be glad to know I'm back on the straights.

Pagans - 3 piece suite.

2007-02-16T16:58:00.000Z

This was our only experiment with notated music.
I wrote "Sprite", Tom wrote "Lament..." and we co-wrote "Soil...".
Tom played violin, Becky played double bass and I played clarinet, bass clarinet (courtesy of Kirklees Youth Orchestra) + soprano sax.
Not exactly consumate chamber performers, we didn't quite capture some of the rhythmical intricacies but we didn't have a lot of time to practice!
Experiment away...
Kips.

Click Here to Play

P.S. More Pagans Tracks to Be Added to the Main Site Soon!

Mystery Track for Jason!!

2007-02-15T13:43:00.000Z

Here's a Special Post for Jase:

Mystery Song!

0=2 - Retro Mania

2007-02-14T00:38:00.000Z

Here's the first 0=2 Quartet tape. This is one of a 2 tape set of the first Quartet stuff. This tape has definately been through the wars, it's been played to death, snapped and fixed, lost and found. The second tape is still missing although incomplete copies exist. This stuff has been released in a truncated form by Kipz.

Side One - ZBKFO
Side Two - Quadruple Display

p.s. side two was actually recorded first - i think i made a mistake when naming the sides!

Shameless Plug

2007-02-13T11:28:00.001Z

Here's a playlist that features most of the movies made for The Secret Cavern!

Insight

2007-02-12T14:09:00.000Z

This kinda fell out of my brain on Sunday...

0=2 - Insight

Rabbit Clutch - Live in London.

2007-02-11T01:53:00.000Z

I went to see Kips and 'Rabbit Clutch' neé 'Donald Syndrome' at The Good Ship, Kilburn last Thursday. With only my phone I managed to capture this crude vid of the song 'Gibbering Idiot'. Did some post production in iMovieHD to make it look like a bad Super8 as opposed to a REALLY bad 176x120 digital dogshite.

Next time I'll take a proper video camera. Promise!

0=2 - A Bucket of Billberries - Cover

2007-02-08T03:42:00.000Z

Here's the cover (not to exact dimensions so may be cut different for CD) for the new 0=2 CD coming soon to a seedy backwater near you...

Vive La Difference - New Jeff Lawson Vid!

2007-02-04T19:11:00.000Z

David Icke links to one of my Spider-Man vids!

2007-02-01T18:48:00.000Z

The ickester has linked to one of my read along movies from his news blog! The movie, Invasion of the Dragon Men obviously has interesting 'Reptillian Agenda' overtones...

Check out the movie for yourself here!

Genome

2007-01-29T10:42:00.000Z

Here's another new track...

Genome by 0=2

Parsley's Problem Page - Episode Two

2007-01-23T19:44:00.000Z

Buon Anno!

2007-01-14T19:02:00.000Z

Happy New Year!

Here's my first track of 2007!

Sex Goddess by 0=2

Compilations + Collaborations

2006-12-28T02:29:00.000Z

A new area has been added to the main site to host all past, present and future compilations and collaborations from the CVC posse.

CVC Xmas is up and all the old comps will be uploaded at a steady pace over the next while.

Click Here to Visit

UPDATE!
3 classic CVC comps now online for download

COLNE VALLEY CHAOS 1

some tasters...

Fishat - Killed to Death
All New Lucky Boys - Now You're Hip

COLNE VALLEY CHAOS 3

some tasters...

GWF - 367 Day Slop Blues
0=2 - Moonlight

CHAOS 1

some tasters...
Al Jolson's of Death - I am the Nicest Guy I know
Giblets & Cheese - Groovy Song

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T11:15:00.000Z

Seasons Greetings to one and all!

Many Thanks to Karl for getting the ball rolling with Colne Valley Chaos Christmas - it's been great fun for all the CVC heads to get together on this project -- what's next? Watch this space! ;-)

Here is a lovely stocking filler for you all from the gorgeous Jeff Lawson - enjoy!

Good King Wenceslas - by Jeff Lawson

Colne Valley Chaos Christmas is Released!

2006-12-20T19:44:00.000Z

Ladies and Gentlemen, after 17 days of sterling work Colne Valley Chaos Christmas is complete!

There are two versions available - the Internet distribution version (in MP3 format) and the CD version. You can download the Internet version here:

>>> Colne Valley Chaos Christmas <<<

The files for the CD version are on the FTP server. File names have been numbered so your CD burning software will recognise which order the tunes go in. All files have been standardised to CD quality WAV or AIFF files. The cover for the CD is in the folder "cover" (naturally enough) for those of you with FTP access.

I'll be burning a dozen or so tomorrow for distribution to friends of CVC on Christmas Eve. Please feel free to make your own CDs for friends, family, enemies, people you pass in the street, postal workers and so on.

Everyone deserves a big fat slap on the back. This has been an ace project. For me, this is what this blog was conceived as - a supportive environment for us to collaborate and share our crappy music. Hurrah for Colne Valley Chaos!

www.koretex.net - BETA v.1 up & running!

2006-12-20T01:41:00.000Z

Hey all, hope your all good, sounds like the CVC xmas album is well on its way to being incarnated for absorption by the masses (those lucky souls won't know what hit em)! Can't wait! Been busy as hell getting my new musical project ready for release in the new year, but the anticipation was killing me; as such as I have just registered the associated domain yesterday & managed to get a preliminary beta version of the experimental sonic engine up & running, I thought I'd invite you to take a peek! Enjoy & looking forward to seeing you all in the Sair on Xmas eve - let the festive madness begin! Naaayyyyy!

www.koretex.net

Folds

2006-12-15T14:15:00.000Z

Sorry to break up the Christmas party! I wanted to notify you all that I've completed the track that was called 'Delivery' - you know, the slow violin an clarinet piece? Well, it's changed, gone of on a tangent and it's now called 'Folds'. This will be the signiature track for my next album which probably won't surface for another year or so!

Any-hoo enjoy listening to Folds

Colne Valley Christmas

2006-12-03T15:16:00.000Z

Hey dudes. I've had an ace idea. Was just listening to Sufjan Stevens Christmas boxset - and I thought why can't I do that. I'll record a CD full of Chrimbo songs in ANLB stylee!

THEN I HAD AN EVEN BETTER IDEA!

Instead of me doing everything, why don't we all make a Christmas album! Yay! What an ace wheeze. Really.

So here's the jist of what I think we should do:

Everyone in the Chaos Crew, whoever they may be, pulls their thumb out of their arse and records TWO special Christmas songs and submits them to the blog (or to me or Foggy) by December 20th. Yep DECEMBER 20th 2006. The song can be an all new original composition or a traditional chrimbo song done chaos style. BTW - if you're going to do a "standard", please let everyone know before you start. We don't want half a dozen versions of "Jingle Bells".

Then, when everything is in I'll do a CD cover, sequence the tracks and make the compilation available for download from here in time for Christmas day and Christmas Eve distribution.

Who's up for it?

Colne Valley Chaos 6

2006-12-03T13:55:00.000Z

The time has come for a new volume of Colne Valley Chaos - There's plenty of new material available to make a new comp, it should be interesting to get this material together and see how it compliments each other. So I'm putting out this message to all CVC heads to think about getting me some WAV files so I can start compiling. Meet me in the comments section of this post to discuss which tracks we should / could use.

Finding the Way

2006-12-02T19:42:00.000Z

A new track from inside the labyrinthine mind of 0=2

Finding the Way

Jeff Lawson Vid

2006-12-02T13:20:00.000Z

Here's a Jeff vid Virally making it's way around the net thanks to Spiney.

Check out Jeff's New site for more loveliness here

Crystal Lake featuring Ebony - Slawit Hip Hop!

2006-11-26T13:44:00.000Z

Slawit Hip-Hop crew Crystal Lake have reformed with Ebony Fletcher on guest vocals.

Tennents & Terror (featuring Ebony)

Check out the website at www.crystallakehiphop.com (designed by fog)

UPDATE! - CD Now Available to Buy On-Line - Check the Site on the above Link

Good Song

2006-11-26T13:16:00.000Z

Introducing the newest member of the CVC posse...

Good Song by Foggy & Ella

Tribal Mutations (adventures in the world of Bens Roland SRV-330)

2006-11-25T15:40:00.000Z

Hey all, finally been released from the grip of political trauma & despair & horror at that Chav ridden hellhole in Uxbridge they call Brunel (Thank Fuck) looking forward to being a full time student again in rainy Yorkshire (slaver, whimper paw paw)! Some decaying rock dude (Bill Wynam) is hitting my village today to turn on the xmas lights, going to go and put him off by nayying at him loudly in a drunken stupor with Princess Lea Lea! Anyway in order to pay homage to Ben's Birthday & memory, I recently rescued his old dusty reverb unit from fog’s Den of inequity & lovingly cleaned her up inside & out; and as I promised Fotswana I have recorded a short song using the aforementioned, so happy Birthday Benjamin, give Nina a hug from me & this one is for you!

TribalMutations.mp3

Happy Birthday Ben

2006-11-23T10:50:00.000Z

Well, today is my late brother's birthday and I don't have any new music of his to post so I've posted this clip from one of our favourite childhood films 'Way of the Dragon' (aka 'Return of the Dragon' in the US). This film had such an effect on me that when I went to Rome and visited the Collliseum all I could think was this was so cool 'cos this is where Bruce and Chuck had their epic battle (even though the actual fight was filmed on a set!). Similarly when I was in the main piazza in Venice I was picturing Roger Moore on that daft hovercraft car from Moonraker! There is some footage somewhere of me and Ben re-enacting this classic fight but I don't have the tape, it may be at Kipz' place, if I find it i'll post it on the blog.

I found the following video on Google recently that Spiney had posted featuring a track he and Ben had been involved in and he included the following tribute...

from the murky spiney history a piece done by the late ben phillips on ry30 , me on guitar its become a bit of a lump in my throat , but anyway its here for posterity , if a better copy should surface I will replace it , for all his faults BEN was one of the most naturally talented , & I still miss his hyper creativity & cheekiness , along with so many others I think I always will ...so wherever u are ben , they say you never die as long as someone remembers ....

Delivery - (working title)

2006-11-23T03:49:00.000Z

I was chatting with Jussy the Kat (Naaaaay-y-y!) the other day via webcam, and I played him the beginning of a track I've been working on. I mentioned the I was a bit stuck with it and he suggested posting it on here.

The thing is - I want it to eventually be about 30 mins long, a kind of background affair, but I'm tempted to split from it's current vibe and go a bit silly. The better part of me thinks not. Maybe I'm just getting bored or too spaced out with the whole thing, especially with my laborious way of making music... Any suggestions welcome.

Listen to Delivery and let me know what you would do with it.

Ta.

Ice Warriors

2006-11-21T23:54:00.000Z

I just reinstalled Fruityloops and this is what happened...

Ice Warriors by 0=2

Another None-Chaos Post...

2006-11-13T16:07:00.000Z

....but, honestly, this one captures the essence of Gibs, the odour of the GWF and the stink of the ANLB.

Henry's Smoking Column: Which will you choose?

2006-11-08T16:49:00.000Z

Many smokers are shallow, vainglorious trolls and the only reason they buy a particular brand of cigarettes is for the way the box looks. B&H smokers, for example, are invariably lacking funds and find the gold ingot look appealing. Not all designs are so simply understood, however, and I have made it my wife's work to interpret the more esoteric aspects of cigarette art.

One of the more astonishing discoveries I made recently concerns the distinctive red and white chevron design of the classic Marlboro box. It was designed in 1936 by Angstrom Grasnovskyj, a visual psychologist and pidgeon fancier, after a severe sneezing fit. The design has been shown, in independent trials, to momentarily hypnotise 83% of all consumers forcing them, against their will, to buy the 'boros.

It also induces belief in fairies, Atlantis and the supremacy of dogs over cats. A state of bald-headed bravado and mild urtication in the palms follows this lapse into insanity and the smoker sparks up to alleviate his discomfort.

It is widely thought by me, that all these effects can be attributed to the stupidity of Americans and nothing like that could ever happen in Blighty. Blue Embassies, on the other hand, are a different matter altogether . . .