Post Christmas Banishment Ritual

I'm having some fun making some vids at the moment - here are a couple for your delictation:

ORBITAL - DOCTOR LOOK OUT!


DUEL OF THE FATES - DRUM AND BASS VERSION

CVC Xmas

Looking for that last minute christmas gift for that special someone?

Why not give them the fantabulous Colne Valley Chaos Christmas album!

http://www.colnevalleychaos.com/cvcxmas.html

Cybergothadelia

YARSE! It's another blast from the past... this one going back SEVENTEEN YEARS to 1990. Stoned, freshly dumped and out of work, I monopolised Jason's 520 ST to churn out this set of banging oddities. I called it Cybergothadelia because I couldn't decide whether it was gothic, industrial or psychedelic, these recordings work better now than they have any right to. Though, I have to admit, this time around I left out some of the really crappy stuff...

Some trivia about this collection: Jason co-wrote "Forever Girl" - coming up with the original drum pattern. Jon (Williams/Jugulation) did the original cassette cover, now rejigged for CD. Enough gabbing! Here are the tunes:

1. Forever Girl
2. Cypher
3. I Dreamt I Was
4. Jam from Glass Apples
5. Hear Me Speak
6. Not the Same
7. This is for Zhora

Gemini Fire Monkey

STOP PRESS - Individual links are back up - archive coming soon





I've been spending a bit of time, while stuck indoors, finishing off a set of songs for release as a CD. Almost all the main recording is now done - I've just got to go through tweaking and producing some of the older tracks so they're all up to the same standard...

This download is not it.

Instead, I've returned to an old collection of tunes, originally one side of a C60, cleaned them up and digitised them for release on the global interweb. This is the last recording I did using the Atari STE back in 1996 - so it's primitive stuff. The STE was already out of date back then... Still, there's a certain charm to this collection. You'll be able to download it in one big zip file in a little while - for now grab it one track at a time:

1. Theme from Strong Bobby
2. Liz on Phenobarbitone
3. 8:52
4. The Train Gang
5. Stop the Ride, My Nose is Bleeding
6. Mr. Spooky
7. Life of the Mind

SPUNK!

Download CVC Halloween

Get yer lovely downloads here - listen to individual tracks or just download a zipfile of the whole album:

http://www.colnevalleychaos.com/cvchalloween.html

Pussy? Meet Pussy.

I may well have found Kips' dream web site here.

WARNING! This site is not suitable for work. Unless, like me, you work in your front room.

CVC Halloween Cover

Back to the source.

STOP PRESS - The GIBS VIDEO source tape has been found and mostly converted to a fresh DVD for ripping. Fog and I are still mulling over what to do with it. Current thoughts are about doing a DVD of the Gibs video with refreshed titles and additional footage in the form of extras. We have amongst other things enough vintage footage to create a music vid for "Electric Plugs" and a special edition of the Farmer Flippy sketch with all the fuck-ups and laughing left in. Stay tuned.

It's that time of year again...

The Glory of Television!

BOD - THE MEANING OF LIFE!

Death Bed Disks

Click Here For a Special Announcement

Jeff Lawson - America's Verandah

Here's a video from a while ago - live at the Parish Pump

Madness at the Sair!

Get Clawing!

2 recent recordings from RABBIT CLUTCH - featuring a song not written by Kipz - in fact Set Love Free is 1 of 2 new tracks written by Joel Haslam.

NO PICNIC

SET LOVE FREE

Big Up the Mike!

The Colne Valley Experience @ The Sair

Full gory/naked details to follow shortly...

For Frank, RIP

Radio Bingo Blowout!

Feeling Tired and Jaded? Life Getting You Down? Can't find the Motivation to Eat? Step Right This Way For Help - A Whole New Batch of Life Affirming Tracks From The One and Only Radio Bingo!

22 going on 23

Message from Gerry and Margot...

'We're so happy about the imminent release of Colne Valley Chaos 6' and just wanted to let you all know how godammed stoked we are for it down here! Tom and Barbara are going apeshit next door listening to loads of their old Giblets and Cheese cassettes and dancing like maniacs! lol! Much as we love the old stuff, Gerry is particularly keen on The Genital Wart Factor, we can't wait to hear if the new stuff kicks as much ass! Lastly, we would like to thank TWAIN for helping us with some of our marital issues, we like to watch his Sexwatch videos and then play some of his tunes whilst exprimenting with some of the things he mentions in his broadcasts. Of course not ALL of them, the spatula is bent right out of shape after we went too far last week. LOL!

well anyway, that's all for now

don't forget to mail us a copy

love

Margot and Gerry

xxxxxxxxxxx'

This one's for Jimmy and Alfred...

SIDE 1
SIDE 2

New Radio Spot for CVC 6

LISTEN HERE

Colne Valley Chaos 6

Ok Guys - The Time is now right for the next installment - I am starting to collate material for a brand new CVC. Just got some new Rabbit Clutch material to sift through. I will be approaching folk for material to add soon. Anyone with access to the webspace FTP can upload files there - better still would be stuff on CD. Cheers.

Colne Valley Chaos 2

The Compilation page is now complete!

CVC 2

Some Tasters:

GWF - Auto Wash
Hodgie - Lovly
E-motive - Look to the Future

CHAOS 2 - More Gibs Faster!

Here's the second of Kipz C60 compilations

CHAOS 2

Some tasters:

GWF - Too Good Looking to Live
GIBS - Jimmy Milgrom
Al Jolsons of Death - Going Out

Colne Valley Chaos 5 - Vampire Tree

Tom Taylor's edition of the CVC series is now available on the compilations page.

CVC 5

Here's some tasters:

John Thomas - Big Rocks
GWF - Prisoner of Huddersfield Dance Mix
Mile High Henry - Mrs Confucious II

Colne Valley Chaos 4

CVC 4 Up for Download on the Compilations Page

Some Tasters...

Radio Bingo - Challenge
Easy Street - Bastard Squad
Pagans - franksinatranazi

New KIPZ stuff!

Here's the first update to the main CVC site for a while.

New Photos and / or Mp3s featured on the following Kipling related pages

ETR
PRIAPUS
PAGANS
LAFFMAD
KIPLING

BREAKING NEWS: Bernard Manning arrives in Hell

And yes, we can join our dead correspondent in Hell right now...
Over to you...

lol - this made me laugh...

Updatey, Updatey

Things have been very quiet from the Twain faction of CVC of late, what with stupid amounts of real work to attend to. Still there are a couple of things worth noting.

* The secret plan to put together a live version of The All New Lucky Boys is progressing slowly with the agreement of the bumble bee jumpered Mr Kipling to come on board and play bass. Attempts to draw Jon out of the attic/pub/toilet and join us for rehearsals and thence live on stage have all been fruitless. Not a pineapple, not an apple. Not even a dirty berry. This saddens us, but still we plough on. We have a set list. We have a band. We've not all been in the same room holding our instruments at the same time, but that will happen, I'm sure.

* I've just finished repurposing an old Windows machine expressly for music production. It has a dedicated four input mixer and is running FL Studio 7, Adobe Audition, Reason LE, Melodyne and Jet Set Willy on a Spectrum emulator. Wheee! We must perform a Quirkafleeg!

* With the computerstudioatron now finished, I should be able to record some tracks for the covers CD compo - as soon as time permits. Time is a bitch though. Time has me tied to a chair with a hessian sack over my head. However, thanks to Bias Sound Soap 2.0, I have an old track ready to go! Will upload it this weekend. It's an ancient cover version of Gibs choon "Strong Bobby".

* Jon J. Ugulation handed me a grubby CD full of film related Radio Bingo t'other day. When I'm feeling sane I'll give it a listen and digitise tracks for the movie compo.

Twainy, over and out. Way out.

Henry's Smoking Column - Pre-historic smoking

My current research has revealed that smoking was common through a significant chunk of pre-history.
It was first done by dragonfly-like insects in the early Palaeozoic era as a form of extreme cannibalism. As far as I can make out from the limited texts available, the central tenet of their belief system held that inhaling the 'soul smoke' of rival clans caused 'great joy and upliftment to the skies.' Gradually, the practice came to be seen as barbarous and was sold off to the now extinct Malanga fly who developed it to a fine art, using beautifully crafted obsidian pipes in convoluted rituals. They concentrated wholly on smoking members of new species with particularly desirable character traits in the belief that they would aquire more legs or a liking for sprouts, or whatever.
They seem to have had some measure of success: the dominant theory about the eventual fate of the Malanga (one I made up all by myself) is that they evolved into 'mind bees' that live in your head and become terribly agitated the morning after you have a night on the tiles, when they cause tinnitus.

self defence against monsters

The Enchanters

More Insanity...

The Enchanters - 0=2

Tomita Interlude

Slayer on a Spectrum

Check this out!



http://www.polygonskull.com/
-----------------
also...

CLICK HERE FOR RELIGIOUS GIBS!!!

Colne Valley Chaos Covers

Just to get everyone up to speed on the Covers Project.

We now have 7 tracks:

Satan's Willy - GWF Medley I
Rabbit Clutch - Banana Tig (GWF)
Kipling - Adventures (Gibs)
Kipling - GWF Medley II
0=2 - Black Pudding / World Without Mirrors (Rabbit Clutch)
0=2 - Spectres in the Wind (ETR)
Fog - Meh (Karl Karcass)

They are not all uploaded yet but will be very soon
update - all now uploaded

ALSO - kips has done 2 tracks for the potential comp
Colne Valley Chaos at the Movies:

Satan's Willy - Evil Dead II
Kipling - EraserHead

New Song

Here's a new tune for a new day...

New Song by 0=2

Telescopes 2007

0=2 has gone and dun a new version of the Gibs classic Telscopes

Telescopes 2007

now he's gone and dun a version of the very first Gibs track

Dogs in the Study - Blanker Mix 2007

Les & Shirley

It's been a bit quiet on the blog lately - so hears a little bit of classic fun to keep you going!

Especially for Wevz...

The Whistling Dog

Crazy Sonix!

Howdy - I just did a massive update of audio stuff on the secret cavern and thought a couple of 'em may be of interest to certain chaosheads.

For Example take this strangeling - Around the World with Sooty - I bet this was Frank Sidebottom's favourite record as a kid - have a listen and and see for yourself:

Side 1

Side 2

Other ones that might interest you include a luvly version of The Pied Piper read by Dear Larry Olivier which contains some really nice music of a flutey kind of nature. Also relive the future with the Missile Command read along - and if you can understand it please provide a translation for me.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE CRAZY AUDIO

Twain on MySpace

My last MySpace page was inexplicably banned. I don't know why. That's what "inexplicably" means. Anyroad, I've given it time to calm down and I'm back on there. Hurrah! The new page is mainly for my writing projects BUT I'll also be using it to launch some CVC related stuff too - like the forthcoming Octafish video for "Spacehopper". It's only been up two days though, so is looking a bit sad so far.

If you are a MySpace monkey too, please friend me. We can start a zoo! Or, more accurately, a small primate enclosure...

Go HERE and click "Be My Stalker".

Do it now, or I'll be forced to start accepting friend invitations from 14 year old Essex rappers.

If Giblets and Cheese were X-rated...

...They would probably do stuff a bit like this



But they aren't and they don't.

Photomania

Oh god the memories!
Here's a trio of classic pix from back in the day that Clemmy just sent me!

Secret Cavern getting a little less Secret...

My site The Secret Cavern is getting a bit more noticed these days - check out this nice feature from SFFaudio

http://www.sffaudio.com/2007/03/secret-cavern-of-read-along-treasures.html

Colne Valley Band of Yesteryear

Kips came round to my house the other day sweatily clutching a pile of old photos that he wanted me to scan for the site - here's one featuring two CVC stalwarts in their youth - check it!

Timperley Rocks!

Here's a little tribute to Frank who played in Huddersfield the other day - this clip is from a Manchester gig - quality is a bit low but this was the funniest part of the show for me!

Chaos Covers

For all the CVC posse... I've just created a folder on the shared webspace for the new Covers project. Please post all proposed covers here to avoid repeat tracks.

Addendum:

Just thought I'd post a note here to explain what Foggy's on about in the note above. The next CVC project is "CVC Covers". Like the Christmas project, anyone associated with CVC can take part. The idea is to cover a song or piece of music by another CVC group or musician. Only rules are:

No repeat tracks.
No remakes of your own tunes.

Any further suggestions, please direct your commentary to the comments section. I thank you!

Karl

Henry's Smoking Column - Duma, the lost weeks

Hello everyone, good to be back. For the last X weeks, I have smoked nothing but Duma, the Dutch shag that everyone brings back from trips abroad. It was a mite disorientating, to understate matters and I'm afraid I can't bring myself to write my notes up into a coherent whole. To give you some idea of the experience I had one of my (excellent) trained vervet monkeys transcribe the resulting dictaphone tapes:

[Tape begins]
So. here we are, a sunny, no, overcast Monday in March. Actually, what is the weather like? [shouts] Jo! Jocasta! What's the weather like, darling? [muffled sounds] Ok, light west south west, slight drizzle, 7 octas cover, cat refuses to go outside. Subject under test is 'Duma' rolling tobacco. I will be smoking rollies for a period of . . . well, lets see how long this batch of . . . 40 kilos lasts.
Jesus! It takes so damn long to roll one of these things I'll die of . . . Ah, that's better [blows smoke]. Hmm. Its been a while since I smoked Duma. Maybe I'll have to cancel that sub-contract and move rollie testing back in-house. Damn east Europeans get far too much work from me as it is. So. First impressions. Well, the tar content is good and high, yes I can feel the stickiness. Hmm, good stickiness. Yes, damn fine. A tick in the stickiness box. Two, yes two ticks and a second stick. Aargh! I need someone to roll for me. [shouts] Bingo! Bingo, come here and roll fags for me! [door opens] Yes, I said roll. With those little filters. There on the floor. Faster, please. Good.

Tuesday. We got rid of those damn filters about half an hour into the test, yesterday and the improvement was, well . . . er, marginal? Is that the word? Anyway, good stickiness and the flavour, after . . . 26 hours and 37 minutes, is that of [masticating noises] of . . . somewhere between new car plastic and . . . that particular humus you pick out of a gutter. Hmm, yes not bad. A tick and perhaps a squiggle in the flavour box.

Thursday is it? Bing . . . Bing . . . Go! [mutters] Bingo. Bingo. [shouts] What the hell is this squiggle doing in my flavour box? I pacifically 'splained that no unauthorised . . . unauthorised . . . [muffled sounds] oh, I did did I? Well. So there.
Day, er day 3, no, 5. Whatever, is 'feelings' day. Hey, Bingo - this 'feelings' box is huge. That's not right, is it? I love you. Yes, the feelings I have after [mumble] days of smoking . . . this stuff is of tenaciousness. Like I was listening to 'Trout Mask Replica' and wouldn't switch it off until I got to . . . let's say 'Sugar 'n spikes' even though my, er, buttocks had cramp, or something. Do I know you? [tape runs for 6 minutes 25 seconds with scraping noises]

Sunday. No, Tuesday. I . . . I can't, er . . . What? More smoke. 'Marry, sir . . . It makes him, and it mars him; it sets him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him and disheartens him; makes him stand to and not stand to. . .' [incoherent mumbling] [tape runs for 47 minutes 12 seconds with nothing but scuffling and distant yowls]
Angström!
[Tape ends]

And I'm afraid that's all. I hope you can pick some gems out of that swill and if not, then swill out of the gems. You'll be glad to know I'm back on the straights.

Pagans - 3 piece suite.

This was our only experiment with notated music.
I wrote "Sprite", Tom wrote "Lament..." and we co-wrote "Soil...".
Tom played violin, Becky played double bass and I played clarinet, bass clarinet (courtesy of Kirklees Youth Orchestra) + soprano sax.
Not exactly consumate chamber performers, we didn't quite capture some of the rhythmical intricacies but we didn't have a lot of time to practice!
Experiment away...
Kips.

Click Here to Play

P.S. More Pagans Tracks to Be Added to the Main Site Soon!

Mystery Track for Jason!!

Here's a Special Post for Jase:

Mystery Song!

0=2 - Retro Mania

Here's the first 0=2 Quartet tape. This is one of a 2 tape set of the first Quartet stuff. This tape has definately been through the wars, it's been played to death, snapped and fixed, lost and found. The second tape is still missing although incomplete copies exist. This stuff has been released in a truncated form by Kipz.

Side One - ZBKFO
Side Two - Quadruple Display

p.s. side two was actually recorded first - i think i made a mistake when naming the sides!

Shameless Plug

Here's a playlist that features most of the movies made for The Secret Cavern!

Insight

This kinda fell out of my brain on Sunday...

0=2 - Insight

Rabbit Clutch - Live in London.

I went to see Kips and 'Rabbit Clutch' neé 'Donald Syndrome' at The Good Ship, Kilburn last Thursday. With only my phone I managed to capture this crude vid of the song 'Gibbering Idiot'. Did some post production in iMovieHD to make it look like a bad Super8 as opposed to a REALLY bad 176x120 digital dogshite.

Next time I'll take a proper video camera. Promise!

0=2 - A Bucket of Billberries - Cover

Here's the cover (not to exact dimensions so may be cut different for CD) for the new 0=2 CD coming soon to a seedy backwater near you...

Vive La Difference - New Jeff Lawson Vid!

David Icke links to one of my Spider-Man vids!

The ickester has linked to one of my read along movies from his news blog! The movie, Invasion of the Dragon Men obviously has interesting 'Reptillian Agenda' overtones...






Check out the movie for yourself here!

Genome

Here's another new track...

Genome by 0=2

Parsley's Problem Page - Episode Two

Buon Anno!

Happy New Year!

Here's my first track of 2007!

Sex Goddess by 0=2