Crystal Lake featuring Ebony - Slawit Hip Hop!

Slawit Hip-Hop crew Crystal Lake have reformed with Ebony Fletcher on guest vocals.


Tennents & Terror (featuring Ebony)


Check out the website at www.crystallakehiphop.com (designed by fog)

UPDATE! - CD Now Available to Buy On-Line - Check the Site on the above Link

Good Song

Introducing the newest member of the CVC posse...


Good Song by Foggy & Ella

Tribal Mutations (adventures in the world of Bens Roland SRV-330)

Hey all, finally been released from the grip of political trauma & despair & horror at that Chav ridden hellhole in Uxbridge they call Brunel (Thank Fuck) looking forward to being a full time student again in rainy Yorkshire (slaver, whimper paw paw)! Some decaying rock dude (Bill Wynam) is hitting my village today to turn on the xmas lights, going to go and put him off by nayying at him loudly in a drunken stupor with Princess Lea Lea! Anyway in order to pay homage to Ben's Birthday & memory, I recently rescued his old dusty reverb unit from fog’s Den of inequity & lovingly cleaned her up inside & out; and as I promised Fotswana I have recorded a short song using the aforementioned, so happy Birthday Benjamin, give Nina a hug from me & this one is for you!

TribalMutations.mp3

Happy Birthday Ben

Well, today is my late brother's birthday and I don't have any new music of his to post so I've posted this clip from one of our favourite childhood films 'Way of the Dragon' (aka 'Return of the Dragon' in the US). This film had such an effect on me that when I went to Rome and visited the Collliseum all I could think was this was so cool 'cos this is where Bruce and Chuck had their epic battle (even though the actual fight was filmed on a set!). Similarly when I was in the main piazza in Venice I was picturing Roger Moore on that daft hovercraft car from Moonraker! There is some footage somewhere of me and Ben re-enacting this classic fight but I don't have the tape, it may be at Kipz' place, if I find it i'll post it on the blog.


I found the following video on Google recently that Spiney had posted featuring a track he and Ben had been involved in and he included the following tribute...

from the murky spiney history a piece done by the late ben phillips on ry30 , me on guitar its become a bit of a lump in my throat , but anyway its here for posterity , if a better copy should surface I will replace it , for all his faults BEN was one of the most naturally talented , & I still miss his hyper creativity & cheekiness , along with so many others I think I always will ...so wherever u are ben , they say you never die as long as someone remembers ....

Delivery - (working title)

I was chatting with Jussy the Kat (Naaaaay-y-y!) the other day via webcam, and I played him the beginning of a track I've been working on. I mentioned the I was a bit stuck with it and he suggested posting it on here.

The thing is - I want it to eventually be about 30 mins long, a kind of background affair, but I'm tempted to split from it's current vibe and go a bit silly. The better part of me thinks not. Maybe I'm just getting bored or too spaced out with the whole thing, especially with my laborious way of making music... Any suggestions welcome.

Listen to Delivery and let me know what you would do with it.

Ta.

Ice Warriors

I just reinstalled Fruityloops and this is what happened...

Ice Warriors by 0=2

Another None-Chaos Post...

....but, honestly, this one captures the essence of Gibs, the odour of the GWF and the stink of the ANLB.

Henry's Smoking Column: Which will you choose?

Many smokers are shallow, vainglorious trolls and the only reason they buy a particular brand of cigarettes is for the way the box looks. B&H smokers, for example, are invariably lacking funds and find the gold ingot look appealing. Not all designs are so simply understood, however, and I have made it my wife's work to interpret the more esoteric aspects of cigarette art.

One of the more astonishing discoveries I made recently concerns the distinctive red and white chevron design of the classic Marlboro box. It was designed in 1936 by Angstrom Grasnovskyj, a visual psychologist and pidgeon fancier, after a severe sneezing fit. The design has been shown, in independent trials, to momentarily hypnotise 83% of all consumers forcing them, against their will, to buy the 'boros.

It also induces belief in fairies, Atlantis and the supremacy of dogs over cats. A state of bald-headed bravado and mild urtication in the palms follows this lapse into insanity and the smoker sparks up to alleviate his discomfort.

It is widely thought by me, that all these effects can be attributed to the stupidity of Americans and nothing like that could ever happen in Blighty. Blue Embassies, on the other hand, are a different matter altogether . . .

Dr Parsley's Problem Page

I present, for your delectation, "Dr Parsley's Problem Page", a stupid video specially recorded during one of our titular heroine's recent visits chez Twain. Let's hope YouTube don't delete it as quickly as the last one. Please rate generously.

Download Secret Journey

Click here for new 0=2 page with downloads for new album:

http://www.colnevalleychaos.com/secret.html

Kat Slater - Reggae Style!

I occasionally post links that have nothing directly to do with Colne Valley Chaos, but have instead a tenuous "spiritual" connection with the output of our motley peers. Karl Matthews MySpace page is one such link.

Karl, claims a recent edition of Popbitch, has Asperger's Syndrome. This autistic disorder has a tendency to make its sufferers rather obsessive. Case in point, Karl loves Eastenders and reggae music so much that there's very little space for anything else in his brain. His song "Kat Slater" (sample lyric: Kat Slater, Kat Slater, in an MC stylee, she's Kat Slater. She's got a daughter who is a sister. Kat Slater. Reggae music.) unintentionally out-Gibs Gibs. In a reggae stylee.

Visit Karl Matthews on MySpace.

Kipz Party - Andy Lockwood - Drum n' Bass Cellar Madness!

Kipz Party and New 0=2 Album

Hi Folks - well, I got inspired to try and get an album out of all the muzak I did this Summer in time for Kipz party, which is tonight!

It's compiled but I don't know whether or not i'll have 'em ready in time - but at least I have finally come up with a tracklist that I think works ok.

Here's a little taste of the cover (quick job but ok!) and I'll be releasing a second mini album (probably internet only) for all the leftovers that didn't make it on here.

Henry's Smoking Column: Case studies 2453, 753 & 9

The Mayfair cigarette: a conundrum. One suspects that the manufacturers hope the branding brings to mind swanky addresses, debs parties and cut glass accents. What it actually conjures up is dreary xmasses playing endless games of monopoly and tawdry top-shelf men's magazines. A cheap and nasty stick with the taste of rhinoceros dung. Leave it!

The problem with Consulate is actually asking for it at the counter. You stride purposefully toward the attendant, attempting to exude a kind of Humphrey Bogart cool and place your order. The affect is that you actually want 'Embassy' but have forgotten the word. Essential for oral hygeine. Persist.

The origins of the 'Camel' brand are little known even in the world of cigarette research. The blend was originally hand rolled in Izmir in the west of Turkey and the sticks were known simply as 'sigara.' In the 1850s, the blend was so popular and difficult to get hold of that the crown prince of Jafuff traded his 5th wife, Roulana for a single box of 420 sticks. In her youth she had been a well-known and sought after beauty who frequented many of the smoking dens of Ankara and "smoked," so the trade was well publicised. Her hedonistic self-abuse and the rapid pace of the prince's life-style at that time, however, had taken its toll on her features and left her with the appearance of a dromedary. The nick-name persists to this day. Superlative student cigarette, especially in soft pack. Split 20 with a friend.

Feel The Stag!

Here's a couple of doings that came from the sessions earlier this year from 0=2

Highlander Mashup (McCloud on Mushrooms Mix)
Highlander II - The Quickening

Update

Here's the full mix after Jason asked for it - Hope your brain is ok at the end of it!

Highlander - The Full Mix

Oblivion

THE YEAR, dearest chums, was 1990. The beginning of a new decade, a decade away from a new millennium. It was in that year that the Genital Wart Factor reconvened after a four year hiatus, pared down to the core duo of Karl and Jon.

The first meeting was monumental. Karl was returning from a shopping expedition to Bostock's record emporium to purchase a Greek import version of The Pixie's Doolittle. Jon, who was waiting for a bus, glanced over at Karl and wondered whether he should say hello. Being Jon, he chose not to. What a knob.

Karl recovered swiftly from Jon's blanking, Jon recovered swiftly from Karl's beating and soon they were back doing what they did best; shouting offensive songs into tape recorders for the pleasure of the bedroom band community.

If the previous incarnation of the GWF was fueled by tea, biscuits and ennui, this version was powered by cider, joints of pot and break-up related bitterness. Both GWFer's had been through the relationship wringer at this point, returning to Huddersfield with stone in their hearts and dope in their tobacco tins. And they were going to abuse both.

During this period, two new cassettes of material were recorded. One of them contained a particularly billious song called "Oblivion"; a lilting ballad that told a tale of love lost and lost some more. Karl and Jon, who wrote it, proclaimed that it was the break-up song to end all break-up songs. Unfortunately the pop industry weren't listening at the time and that's why people still keep releasing new, shit songs about love gone wrong.

Fast forward 15 years. Karl is now Chairman of ICI, owner of BMW and Grand Poo Bah of the Freemasons. Jon sells his piss stained knickers to coke fiend stock brokers on the Internet.

The Genital Wart Factor got together one last time (without Jon) to re-record this seminal slice of semenal invective.

Take it away, Karl. And don't bring it back:

Oblivion

Carol Vorderman's Diary

TUESDAY

The Wide World InterWeb is not as harmless as I thought. In PC World the other day I was accosted by a young man wearing a red badge.

"It's you isn't it?"
"Why yes. Yes it is." I replied, "Would you like a consonant or a vowel?"
"Whatever," the youth said, "Where's your curly tail?".

I telephoned Gyles Brandreth in dictionary corner to find out what my appropriate response should be. After some time agreeing on the correct spelling I replied to the youth;

"I'm positively filled with indignation. What do you mean 'curly tail'?"

The spotty one took me over to the machines in the corner, next to the machines in the middle and the machines by the wall. There he showed me an InterWeb site entailed 'Celebrity Animals'. Alongside photographs of Carol Smile as a meerkat and Anne Robinson as an orangutang, I saw a picture of me. Only not me. It was a pig me.

"Oh my god". I sputtered, "You have a computer capable of performing acts of voodoo. I must campaign against this immediately."

WEDNESDAY

Groggily made my way to GMTV studio after night spent arranging mirrors to see if curly tail still present. Pleased to see that other pig features have worn off since photograph was taken. Even though I am unable to recollect the occasion am disturbed by lingering feeling that I have 12 nipples arranged in parallel along my belly. Interviewed by Lorraine Kelly, herself a victim of Internet animal voodoo (rhinoceros).

"So Carol, you say that a black magic Web site has been turning celebrities into animals and photographing them," said Lorraine, interviewing me.
"Yes. And I will not rest until every last one of those animal magicians is off the Internet and behind bars. The way to start is by rounding up everyone who owns a computer and shooting them in the extremities. Then we should ask them if they turned me into a pig and then took pictures of me. If they say no we should let them go. If not then... by gum!"
"Very good, Carol. So you were a pig. That's a very dirty animal." said Lorraine.
"No Lorraine, that's where you're wrong. Pigs are very clean animals. Unlike Rhinos."
"I see. Well it's nice to see you again and we wish you luck with your campaign. Now it's time to return to Inch Loss Island."
"Oink." I said.

*Any resemblance to Carol Vorderman off Countdown is purely coincidental. This is a different Carol Vorderman altogether. As in A fictional character who happens to be called Carol Vorderman. OK?

Henry's Smoking Column: Case study 151

John Player Special

In the mid eighties I spent three months smoking only John Player Specials. At the time they were highly regarded, but that didn’t stop me publishing the following slating:

“There is no cigarette more redolent of fibreglass than the John Player Special, and none more indolent than those who partake of them.

Oafish and loud, JPS smokers have over-inflated ids and tiny underpants. Their demeanour is that of one who spies for east European radicals wanting a) the secret recipe of pot noodles and b) to know what will happen next to the Gold Blend couple.

The cigarettes themselves are manufactured in the sixth circle of hell - that's why the packet is black. You may stumble across them being traded for moon dust on Thursdays in Dorset, as I have on many occasions. I have yet to discover why moon dust is important in hell.

Each and every JPS stick contains a human soul that whispers 'Thank you John' when one sucks on the lit fag. Lighting the JPS is easy. A naked flame will jump several metres across a room to oblige and the smoking experience is one of dampened enthusiasm for the Oxbridge boat race.”

The file on John Player Special continues to grow: I recently discovered quite by accident (I fell into a hell pit whilst walking in the Peak District and got chatting with a minor demon) the importance of moon dust. It is essential to entrap the souls of the damned in the cigarette. The process technicalities are in the realms of advanced and relatively arcane magik. Thaumaturgy plays an important role, but to divulge more would put my source in danger.

Further developments on this file are promised. My demon friend and his mates are coming round to mine for lasagne on Thursday...

Spiney V P Diddy

Spiney's YouTube channel Blackadderextras has been mentioned on MTV.com as part of a backlash against P. Diddy's new Burger King / YouTube Venture.

'And there are plenty of users like Dorn, expressing their frustration in manners both increasingly bizarre (the U.K.'s BlackAdderExtras, who took Diddy's spot and turned it into a rather tedious house track) and disturbing (one rant, by a wide-eyed blond kid, borders on racist psycho-babble). But will the rising negative sentiments be enough to pull the plug on Diddy TV?'

Click here for the full article

Here's the Diddy's orginal vid:

And here's Spiney's mangled versions:

FOGJAS! JASFOG! Or NOT JAS FOG!

Yet more obsessive tape trawling has brought forth these three little dittys which turned up on the end of a Gary Clail / Tackhead tape.




jas1
jas2
jas3


Update - I have just been informed that these tracks are not JasFog and are more likely to be JasClemLen - I thought I remembered playing keyboards, especially on the first track but I think it's probably safest to call these tracks Jas tracks with guest stars - If Len or Clem drops by can you confirm your presence on these tracks?

More Tape Trawling - this time it's Spiney's turn...

Here's a trio of strange Spiney songs I found lurking on a tape today...

Firstly a nice strumming mellow kinda song...

Used to Be

These two are a little out there -- the second guest stars Jack Holding (I think that's the name) and i'm not sure who's on the first, possibly Happy Dave?

Noise Mix 1
Noise Mix 2

Psychedelics Documentary - Featuring Tom Taylor

What the frag have I stumbled on here - this sounds like a student audio doc - it's all about Psychedelics and features Tom Taylor, Kips and I think Ilsa (sorry if i've spelt that wrong) may be in there and Wevs.

It also features music by Hawkwind, The Doors and Giblets & Cheese!

Click Here to listen to Psychedelics!

Chaos Inspiration Pt 1: Ivor Cutler

I thought it'd be interesting to post some entries up about the things that inspired our mental music making...

Ivor Cutler was a somewhat subconscious influence on the GWF and subsequent Santaphobia strands of doss bandage. I never owned a single record by him, but I would listen to his poems and music on the John Peel show late at night under the covers of my bed on a red transistor radio shaped like a big lozenge. Sometimes I would read Spider-Man comics simultaneously, using a Subbuteo floodlight as a torch.

In later years I met an art student who interviewed Cutler for his dissertation. He described a polite and particular man who invited him home and served tea. When the interview finished Cutler walked my friend back to the train station, pushing his bicycle. Along the way they enountered a large dog turd in the middle of the pavement. Cutler took out a little plastic pot and peppered the dog doo with hundreds and thousands - the multicoloured sprinkles you get on cakes...

As I said, I never owned a Cutler record, but this clip shows quite clearly that his music seeped into my brain and made a big impression on the GWF:

Henry's Smoking Column

Hello and welcome to Henry’s Smoking Column.

A long time ago now, I gave up being in a doss band and got a proper job as a smoke journalist. What is a smoke journalist, you ask? In my new column for this august blog, I intend to acquaint you with my work, my inner world, my findings and musings.

Case Study No 1946: West

The West cigarette is not one that imbues the smoker with any air of grace, style or even humanity. The image one portrays as the first fag is tapped out of the ill-conceived packet is that of a line dancing simpleton who, given half a chance, would wear a pink plaid shirt with the sleeves ripped off and a comedy 10 gallon hat the size of Gibraltar with the legend "Howdy, y'all" at their own mother's funeral. The West smoker affects a saddle-sore bow-legged gait and if one listens closely, they can be heard making the sound of spurs chinking under their breath with each step.

West cigarettes are manufactured under license by a panel beater called Jim in Cleethorpes and upon close inspection, each cigarette has the message "John Wayne was big leggy" down its length, like Blackpool rock. It is extremely difficult to light the stick without the use of an oxy-acetelene burner or match and the smoking experience is one of finding that where once you had flowing, golden locks of hair, you now possess leaves. Best avoided.

Ben Phillips - Tape Discovered

Hi there - these tracks are all from an unmarked tape I discovered yesterday, I'm pretty sure this is Ben's stuff and as such is part of a very small amount of material that survives. I also have some other stuff on CD and am planning on putting a page up for him on the CVC site soon.


Trance
Insane Arpeggiator
TV Mashup
Heaven (Life after Death)
Trip
Spooky Experiments

This ones for Jus!

Very Busy Granny by 0=2

The Best Of Madeira 2004

Do you ever get the feeling that this blog is moving ever so slightly away from its original mission, to highlight the musical offerings of dossbandland? Well, I do - but frankly, hardly anyone reads this blog so I don't give a floppy flying flip flap.

After admiring Fog's lovely holiday videos, I ventured in to my external hard drive to dig out this little piece of hobby material.
Its a cut down version of one of my holiday videos from 2004. I like this 8 minute 42 second version alot more than the original one I committed to DVD at 36 minutes 50 seconds.

Don't expect great laughs, its a family affair...

Rising High: Psychodelic path of discovery

Just wanted to send out big shouts of thanks to all the hottie nurses who recently demanded sexual favours in return for access to high quality medication(s) (I wish) the Lignocaine & Morphine were simply exquisite, and has truly been a great inspiration to my music – thank you! Student nurses rock!

Ostrich Tentacles: Digital joygasm & new beginnings...

Recently myself & various despicable Colne Valley reprobates hit an Ozric Tentacles gig in Manchester for Fogs birthday (where I proceeded to embarrass the hell out of everyone by skating through the streets & knocking into various smashed hippies in the Academy with my deck) - utterly delicious! I was totally inspired by the experience, and as a result I've found myself left with a strong desire to start making music again (after a lengthy 6/7 year break due to uni etc)! In this way I've begun playing around with sound(s) again, so you can expect some new material (as well as old) to slowly emerge as time goes by! Just been doing a sound check & seen as though it’s kept me up until 5:46 am Saturday morning I thought I'd record it & post it to justify the sleep deprivation (its not a song) but its a taste of things to come!

Snagglepuss.mp3

Young Frankenstein

Here's a very silly 0=2 song...


Franky by 0=2

Ambient Reverb

Here's a track by 0=2 that was heavily inspired by Aphex Twin.

Hodred by 0=2

Summer Holiday Part 3

Things were looking good on the morning of day 3. The birds were singing and the sun was shining through the clouds. The drive to Scafell Pike was pretty gorgeous as the Sun was starting to illuminate the hills. I was convinced that this was to be the glorious day of the trip. Then it started to seem like we were driving away from the warmth and sunshine, and things started to look more foreboding. We pressed on regardless and by the time we arrived at the base of the mountain it had become almost gale force even on ground level. And so of we went...

Check my New Site G!

Picking Up Girls Made Easy!

If Only I had owned this records when I was a teenager, I would of been stud of the Colne Valley. Apart from the fact that there are no beaches...

Here's a useful lesson:

The Beach Pick-Up

If you want to be educated in the art of picking up women you can download the entire album here.

Lysergic Union: When Worlds Collide

Stumbled across this whilst scouring through my old tape collection! It’s an 11 minute sample from the original 50 minute performance featuring me & Ben lost in psychedelic space on that old classic analogue synthesizer the Jupiter 4 (recorded at Laurel Bank in about 1993 or there about)! Blew my mind finding that one I can tell you (Kiploing this one's dedicated 2U)!

LysergicUnion_RM.mp3

Anal 2 Digital: Drum Machines Ate My Soul

A big horsy high going out to all you despicable fiendish reprobates within & around the Colne Valley Locale! Recently found the courage (thanks to Fotswana) to begin converting all my old analogue cassettes from around 93 - 99 to the digital format (in lieu of a forth coming album aptly named Analogue 2 Digital: Drum Machines Ate My Soul). In this manner I've recently begun re-mastering these appalling quality recordings (with more noise than signal - aren’t cassettes great: not) which is painstaking & slow but worth it I'm sure! In this manner I've managed to salvage the following 4 tracks & over the course of the following week(s) more will likely appear subject to workload! Enjoy dudes/dudettes & max respect to Colne Valey Chaos for providing me with a means of banishing my menkal skeletons!

WontTakeMeAlive_RM.mp3 (Boss 660)
EveryLastDrop_RM.mp3 (Yamaha RY30)
IndivisibleMoment_RM.mp3 (Boss DR5)
Cyax_RM.mp3 (Roland R8)

Vintage Tape from Way Back...

Wow - i've enjoyed finding these little gems below tonight on a knackered old cassette - it's just a shame that so much recorded audio from way back is missing but I found these little snippets earlier:

This is me and my Brother playing on the Atari VCS 2600

atari.mp3

This is Craig Mcevoy making a prank call on his little brother (we made a whole tape of these - god I wish I still had it!)

macky.mp3

This is me with a couple of early experiments of tape dubbing (with a pair of headphones for a mic!)

madmike.mp3

flipster.mp3

I'm inspired to scour more old tapes with greater scrutiny now!

Biostupid Girl

We'd be lost without YouTube here at the Colne Valley Chaos blog. We've put loads of our crap on there. One thing's for certain though - however crap our crap is, there lots more crapper crap to be found. I mean, have you seen those video blogs people put up?

My bird and I particularly enjoy the ouvre of "biostudentgirl" - who manages to post lots and lots without saying anything of consequence whatsoever. You can see the original bint here.

And here's our interpretation:



***UPDATE***

This filthy video upset YouTube so much that they banned it! No kidding. They happily host videoblogs with 15 year olds flashing their norks at the camera, clips showing people being flung across freeways in car crashes and folks being beaten to a bloody pulp in the street - but our video was just too hot for them to handle.

Anyway - we cleverly circumvented that by sticking it on Google. NEEEAAAAH!

The Road of Kings

Here's the cover of the book I was reading from in 'Conan Adventure'. I remember taking this book into a 'reading class' at junior school and asking the teacher what a whore was as it was a word I didn't understand in the book - she was a little shocked! ;-)

Conan Adventure

I think 'Conan Adventure' was the first Gibs song that foggy ever let me play the keyboard on. Yes, I know there were earlier times on other songs when I'd interfere with the tempo knob - but this, this was my time to shine!
With no actual musical experience whatsoever, I tinkled and tinkled like a cautious kitten wondering why light reflecting from water through a french window and on to an artex wall was so mesmerising.

Why Conan? Well, Fog had a book about Conan the Barbarian - and with the lack of lyrical inspiration and the sheer feeling of exhaustion after screaming for the last 2 hours on numerous other early Gibs tracks that now don't see the light of day, we decided that reading a book on tape to my dismal efforts on keyboards was all we could muster.

Personally, it's one of may favourites... a timeless classic, although really, created about 19 years ago. (whoah!)

Listen to Conan Adventure

Kipz' Embarassing Songs Part III

Here's part 3 of Kipz' Most Embarassing songs - this one is written by the man himself. Featuring 2 more NWOBHM classics from Priapus!

For me, Crusader was the last vaguely decent Saxon album. This single was always a favourite, I particularly like the guitar solo, but I murdered it wirh a fuzz tone.

Sailing To America

U.F.O. were the first band I ever saw and it was on the 'Making Contact' tour. This was one of the first songs we did with Priapus, and this is a recording of the first gig we ever did. It was Saul's 18th at Scammandon Water Sailing Club. Wevs always liked the
drums in the intro.

When it's Time to Rock

Summer Holiday Part 2

Day 2 and the weather was still shite! We decided to go to Buttermere, which is one of my favourite places in the lakes! This vid shows a fairly short climb to a great view and some choice kiploing moments!

Summer Holiday Part 1

Howdy y'all! This is the first part of a video diary documenting a holiday with Kipz, Fog and Rob to the lake district this Summer. After about 3 weeks of baking sunshine the weather turns shite but we decide to go ahead anyway. You are about to witness the cows of castlerigg communing with the stones!

Dave Nixon - Rewind!

Dave Nixon on the Radio - Remix - Bo Selecta! This is from the same tape as Socksick (i'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel now). It's interesting to note that Kipling quotes this so if you ever here him saying "Are you sure...ure.....ure?" this is where he got it from.... laters!

Dave Nixon Nitrogen Remix 2012

Socksick

Here's a lost song that I stumbled upon today from Giblets and Cheese' first session.

Socksick

Mr Spock's Enormous...

This has nothing to do with CVC at all... except that it made me laugh, the lyrics and performance are a bit GWF-ish and I wish I'd done it first. Also, any excuse to get Star Trek onto the blog.

Spider-Man & the Invasion of the Dragon Men

I've just picked up another useless addiction after doing the Rockomic thing - and here is a complete listen and read video that I have unleashed on YouTube. Some CVC heads may recognise the odd sample from this story used in some of my older tracks - indeed, the Hulk MP3 that I posted in the More Chaos Post starts with one.

Invasion of the Dragon-men Part 1


Invasion of the Dragon-men Part 2

Help Yourself to a Serving of Giblet Broth...

...but don't have too much or you might make yourself sick!

These recordings, fuelled by copious amounts of Mayfield lager and Juvenile filth, took place on Jase's 17th birthday. They were taped on to two promo tapes, one for a french language course and one for a rock and roll hits compilation.


PLEASE NOTE - There is some offensive material on here, heavily influenced by Derek & Clive's Ad Nauseum - you have been warned!

Giblet Broth - Side 1
Giblet Broth - Side 2
Giblet Broth - Side 3
Giblet Broth - Side 4

Spider-Man - A Rockomic!

This is a little vid I made tonight - the Spider-Man album that this is from is significant to certain members of the CVC posse and indeed has been sampled in a few tracks. Stay tuned for part 2...



The following 2 tracks feature samples from the album...

Where Am I? by Jason Hodge, Karl Leonard and Stephen Clements
Deep-Space by 0=2

Cable Guy

Here's another promo to lure in unsuspecting Jim Carey fans...

4-Tracks Revisited: Part 3

April 1998: An old house mate, Bill, had quite a nice collection of music equipment. I can't remember off the top of my head what it was. I think there was an Akai sampler, a really old sampling keyboard and some kind of rack mounted synth. On one particular occassion he went away for the day, but not before letting me know I could go in his room and use his gear.
What a nice guy. Any way, I spent a few hours doing music and then went to my room to play some Tekken. I was well chuffed at the time.

At a slightly later date, all this good will paled in to insignificance when Bill came home after splitting up from his girlfriend, shaved half his head down one side with a Bic razor then proceeded to lock himself in his room, get stoned out of his box and then make a little bonfire on his rug, potentially ending the lives of all 5 tenants in the house.

Thankfully, I heard the spitting and crackling of burning books and birkenstock sandles from behind his door while I was on my way to the bathroom. I alerted the other housemates and we saved Bill's life... Nob. We were all evicted and Bill was admitted to the spin bin.

Here's the track, listen to - House on fire NOW!!!

Elemental Offspring

Here's a few tracks that appeared on the back of some obscure releases such as Gibs Offshoots and I class 'em as being sort of collaborations between Fog, Spiney and Jussy -- the tracks were done at a time when we were all simultaneously creating music and so the edges became a little blurred...

Forces of Life - Fog with Spiney's beats
Psychic Pathways - Jussy with Spiney Mix
Autumn Garments - Fog and Spiney
Ambience - Fog with Spiney audio elements
Angelic Voices - Fog with some other poor sods stolen drum beats

More Chaos...

Here's some more scraps from the same tape that had Jor-El and the Phil Butler stuff on it...

Hulk
Impossible
Tape Dub
Salad Time
Bunions Overdub

Phil Butler in Dub

When me and Jase were editing the Gibs Video we decided it would be cool to call up a radio talk show and try and get some mentalist samples to use as overdubs on it. After a few herbal cigarettes, Jase called Phil Butler's phone in and proceeded to have a 30 minute conversation about the Poll Tax - we managed to get about 30 seconds of Gibs from it but now the time has come to hear a little more - ladies and gentlemen, Phil Butler in Dub!

4-Tracks Revisited: Part 2

March 1995: I got my first proper job in London after working part-time for a local Welsh newspaper. I'd landed a position as a Multimedia Designer and worked on CD-Roms (remember them?) in a great building full of interesting creatives. I only managed about 18 months there before the CD-Rom market bottomed out and everyone was made redundant. Any way, back then while pottering about in my lunch hour, I came across this door that had always intrigued me. I'd seen ponderous people walking in and out of there on many occassions and it just added to my curiosity. I walked through it, then down a small corridor, and then in to a sound proofed box room. There amongst the grey foam absorbers lay a Roland JV-80, a Spirit folio 16-Trk, PowerMac 8800 and Opcode MusicShop sequencing software (the American choice over Cubase - I was later told).

I hadn't made any proper Music for at least 2 years, so I didn't hesitate in booking the room out for a bit of extra curricular overtime one Saturday. I made 2 tracks that day, the other one to come at a later date.

Listen to Element

This One's for Jase...

I seem to remember this one used to tickle your fancy...

Jor-el by 0=2

Gibs Jabs

I've found another shoebox of tapes in my under-the-stairs labyrinth.

Listen to the macabre version of the popular nursery rhyme Jack and Jill NOW!!!

Watch that guy dance!

We haven't had a new post for a while... so here's a video of me dancing to the theme from "Six Feet Under"...

Taking Over the Parish

Donald Syndrome at the Parish Pump viddied by Jussy - more on the Syndrome page... Not a bad do but not the best by the band's own admission - we have yet to capture them in their full glory on viddy!!

Sexwatch UK!

Can you believe that I get paid to blog? WELL I DO! Yep. I write a regular column about my ludicrously ill-fated relationships with women.

No really. It's all true.

Lately though, I've been becoming a little bored with it and have been wanting to make it more and more surreal...

Hence, this. "Sexwatch UK" a podcast about the sexual habits of the British. Now - I wouldn't usually post this kind of stuff up here, but this edition of the podcast has a direct link to the GWF. It features the instrumental track "Theme from a Summer Place", which was previously used to similar effect in the GWF creation "Farmyard". I actually wanted this version to end with an explosion too - but couldn't find one funny enough...

Anyway. Take a wisten:

Secret Army Supplies - Game, Set and Match

Here's a bunch of tracks that were recorded on to one side of a storybook cassette...

Can You Smell My Bell Mix 3 by Gibs
Love in a Disco by Gibs
Models of Yesteryear by Hodgie

Jase if you let me a know a title for the unknown track I think it would be nice to put it on the main site - let me know --- also I have loads of webspace (20GB) that I can let you have access to if you want to use for files, mp3s etc...

4-Tracks Revisited: Part 1

What was once several shoeboxes full of cassettes, there now lay a small bag of about twelve 4-Track master tapes on my kitchen table. I'm taking my time going through them and the whole laborious journey is revealing some things I don't even remember doing.


I have salvaged some damaged fruit from this process, given it a bit of a polish and can now present something lovely to you lucky chaos-muffins. It's a track from January 1991 entitled 'The Bridge of Principle'.

Based on an original composition written by myself with Stephen Clements (from The Deadly Toy Affair, Clock, The Pagans and Giblets and Cheese), this version has an over-dubbed vocal track on it - written and performed by Karl.

The conversion process has not been without its flaws. The track is too slow, which is the result of me having the pitch knob incorrectly turned up while recording the original back in the day! Also, I don't own a 4-track tape deck anymore so I had to sample the entire tape one side at a time then reverse one of them and sync it all up. As you can imagine, this has the very likely potential of going out of phase. Furthermore, there are a couple of occassions where the entire instrumental section drops out for a small number of seconds - don't ask why - any way, if you ever did hear this track back in 91, I hope this gives you a warm nostalgic feeling.

Listen to - The Bridge of Principle

...and watch this space for a long lost Gibs track I'm still cobbling together.

Cave of Silken Web

More promo craziness this time starring Mr. Twain and the enchanting Spider Women of the Silken Web...



Hope you don't mind me using your track Karl...

Give Me the Autowash - CVC Promo

Here's a scrappy little chaos promo I slapped on YouTube today complete with soundtrack by the gorgeous Genital Wart Factor.

Where's Captain Kirk?

I got that vid over there on the right offa the market for about a quid years ago - It's Billy Shatner talking some great talk and interviewing some proper noodles about UFOs etc.. interspliced with a German movie about Erich Von Daniken and his theories on Ancient Civilisations and Interplanetery Macgubbins. Perfect stoner material and indeed it ended up getting sampled and appearing in the following track - from the never released album Green Pants Express.

Another World - 0=2



If you want more crazy bill check my other vids on YouTube for more clips...

KJ!

Here's another little diversion, but this time with a definate CVC connection - filmed by Spiney at the Manchester Academy May 2006. Fog was there as was the infamous Happy Dave and a gent called Kilner. Anyway, this has been a popular hit on YouTube for a few weeks and has attracted the attention of the Bass player, Kneill who has contacted us and we're gonna send him the rest of the gig on DVD so that's pretty cool.

I was persuaded to post this when nosying at some of Karl's other online musings which included him saying he loves this track so thought i'd stick it on the blog.

The gig was pretty good but not the best I have seen them - that would be in Autumn 2005 Manchester Academy (larger venue) - awesome!

The following was my attempt at one of them home made vidz that combines a toon with movie clips - I really liked the bside to the latest Killing Joke single so thought that would be a good track to use as it is relatively obscure and also it lends to the kind of imagery I wanted to use.

Rolling the Ball - In a Japanese Styley...

Hi --- this vid actually doesn't have anything to do with CVC but in my mind it kinda reflects what CVC is all about... well that's my excuse for posting it anyway --- enjoy!!

Technical Note

I've fixed the navigation on the left, so that when you click on an archive link the post list now shows all posts on the current page rather than a list of latest posts. Hopefully this should make navigating through the archives a bit easier.

The OXO Family

Another nostalgic Gibs track that I wouldn't put on the main site but it's notable for it's lyrical use of buggery with a musical instrument...

The OXO Family by Giblets and Cheese

Click the pictures for some ads - in RealVideo format!

2 Brothers united in Muzak...

Karl made me put this up - so you can blame him Jase! ;-)

Tell Me Son by Karl and Jase

Anarchy in the Colne Valley

Here's a little ditty I did after seeing 'V for Vendetta' at the flicks...

V for Vendetta - 0=2

other CVC tracks of wanton rebellion to check out are:

Wake Up by Twain
Only the Queen by Gibs

Kipz' Embarassing Song - Part II

Xanadu - Canadian Rock In a Colne Valley Styley...

This is another track that I wanted to post on the Priapus page when first putting tracks on the site. Really just because it was a Rush track, but Kips was not having any of it.

I do know that Farewell to Kings by Rush was one of Kipz first Rock albums, dunno if he thought of doing a cover version. But that is just what Priapus did, and you can here all of it's Prog Rock Splendour right here.

Xanadu - by Priapus

here's the original for comparison...

ou est la jonzo?

where is jonzo?
its hot outside and i'm hungry
has anybody seen jonzo?

Wikipedia Link

Holy Crap - I just discovered that Wikipedia have linked us to their page about the Colne Valley - Click here!

Kipz' Embarassing Song...

My Expose continues... only this time I am posting a track that Kipz badgered me to remove from the main site for months on end until I was forced into submission. It's a collaboration between him, me and Kemps impromptu one Summer. Some overdubs were added by Kipz later. I love the track, but i'm a bit biased, as it reminds me of Laurel Bank in the Summer and also Zelda: A Link to the Past on the SNES.

Click Here to Play Zelda King of the Jungle

Karl's Hidden Past

I've really enjoyed listening to Karl's tracks on his new page and i'm looking forward to the subsequent releases to be posted on the Blog but I also feel that a part of Karl's CVC career may be left behind unless I expose it here on the CVC Blog once and for all.

I am talking about the tracks that I listened to as a young teen that made me laugh my ass off with their twisted humour and deranged musical phrasology (is that a word?) and encouraged me to do something similar except with all the controls turned up to 11. Yes, it is true that some of the GWF tracks are as influential but I don't think they were quite as insane somehow.

I have chosen to post one of my faves here, Can-Opener by The Back Seat Boys. I don't know if they did any other tracks but maybe this one was enough.

P.S. - Karl, please leave £50 in old tea caddy underneath the canal bridge in Milnsbridge or my next expose will be I am the Nicest Guy I Know by the Al Jolsons of Death...

Ambient Disaster!

I've posted a couple of more Ambient tracks that I did earlier this year on the fog page. You can also play 'em from here: Donna's Mystery & Star-Flight.

Karl Page

A new page has been added for Karl on the main site - check it out!

Rubbish Song No 3425

Digitising old tunes for my forthcoming and ludicrously overdue CVC entry, I stumbled upon an old demo for a song I wrote for Octafish (who are, incidentally also long overdue their CVC entry).

I remember how I eagerly arrived at rehearsal and told the boys I had a new song.
"It's a bit like Violent Femmes!" I said. We retired to Tom's car and slotted it in the tape player.

"What do you think?" I said 3 minutes later.
A long pause.
"Maybe we should work a bit more on War Pigs," said Tom.

This is that very rough demo:

Syndrome Selection

A New Donald Syndrome MP3 has been added to their page alongside a few new pix - check it out.
UPDATE - 2 More Tracks Added...

New Norman Section

A new page has been added to the CVC website for Spiney - some nice tunes on there you should check out...

Arthur Daley - Archangel of the CVC Possee

One of the Ascended Masters looking down over the machinations of the CVC phenomena was Arthur Daley.



The style and sophistication of this character was a source of encouragement and admiration for some of the CVC crew. Indeed, one of the first Gibs songs was dedicated to him and you can listen to it here.

There was another version done later by Jas in a menkle trancey styley thang but I don't have that to hand to sample.



Arthur's Satanic double also watched over the time when Foggy went to Spiney's residence for the first time and somehow splurged the below on to a VHS video.



There is more here if you are a glutton for punishment.

And so, we give thanks to a CVC inspiration --- Arthur Daley.

Fried Minds

More Fried Minds from Kipz 2005 party - this time we see the infamous DJ Andy (Lockwood) entertaining the spaced out cellar dwellers....

Gordon the Guppy

Gordon the Guppy! He's a guppy! And his name is Gordon!

Thrill to this his first adventure, with animation and music from Karl out of the GWF. Innit.

OMFG!!!

A bunch of southern softies have stolen the name of our birthplace!

http://www.colnevalley.com/

We sent Flippy to sort them out... Read his diatribe here.

Or - if they've deleted it, which they probably have by now, read on:

Hello from the REAL Colne Valley

Hello,

My name is Farmer Flippy, and I have been sent by a delegation of true Colne Valley residents to bring advanced warning that they are not amused with you Internet types telling people you are from the "Colne Valley" when you clearly are not.

The Colne Valley is actually an eight mile stretch of, erm... valley in West Yorkshire between Huddersfield and Manchester. They film "Where the Heart is" there and quite a lot of "Last of the Summer Wine". And everything.

Your Colne Valley is rubbish and, as it appears to be in Essex, is probably full of chavs and bummers.

So - we'd like to ask you nicely to stop calling yourself "The Colne Valley" when you clearly are just a bunch of southern pretenders.

If you refuse, we may be forced to bring our crack flock of SAS sheep to attack your stupid soft vilages which are undoubtedly full of girls resplendent in orange lipstick and white boots. "Luv a duck!" they may cry, as the stampeding rams crush them. "Cor blimey Guvnor!" you might say, as we unleash our killer cows on your children, and your children's children.

So, think on. I've eaten my fish fingers and I'm not afraid of you!

Farmer Flippy

We encourage you, chaosers, to register and give them what for! Whatever that means...

The Vendetta Men

The colne valley chaos scene has several distinct branches:

The Santaphobia branch - started by Karl and Jon

The Breadhead Conspiracy branch - started by Kips and Tom

The Giblets and Cheese branch - started by Foggy and Jason

Those branches further subdivide into the bedroom bound "doss" bands and the serious bands with proper drummers and all that stuff.

The Vendetta Men - an eighties power pop band in the mold of The Chameleons and The Bolshoi - are from the serious branch of Santaphobia. They were roughly descended from Glass Orchard, who in turn boasted a line-up that was three fifths GWF. Still, their real claim to marginal fame is that Gideon Coe of BBC Radio Six was their rhythm guitarist.

In this video from 1988, Karl sings typically gothic lyrics while mugging like Paul McCartney. Neil Buckett wears an improbable hat.

As promised, a track from Donald Syndrome

Kips came down to London with the rest of the Donald Syndrome Possé back in April of this year. It was a rather bizzare happening as the place was filled with Huddersfield ex-pats - Just as if they'd been lifted from Kips' living room or the Sair for the that matter.

It was a rare occurrence, and because of that, I made sure I was armed with my trusty mini compression mic and minidisc walkman to record the gig.

You've already seen Olivia's wonderful photo's so I won't dirty your senses with mine, however how about a nice blast of 'the hammer'? In glorious distorto-sound.

Enjoy - chaosmongers!