My Life, My God! - by Cilla Black

Hello chucks!

I'm Cilla Black, i'm sure you all remember me from all my fabulous entertainments that I have wrought upon the Universe. You probably remember me best for my lovable presenting style on such shows as Surprise Surprise and Blind Date but some of you old gits may remember me a little bit more like this:

I was an ace pop star and nearly got to shag ringo out of the beatles, it was all going great guns. I had some top tunes out and also appeared on the telly from time to time, making love to the audience via the miraculous communication known as television.

Things started to slow down a bit in the 70s - it was a bit of an inbetween period with some black spaces which I filled up by appearing in several Paul Raymond publications, most notably "Love Birds" and "Whitehouse International" - The glamour industry wasn't really for me however and I gained true artistic fullfillment from my music, releasing several block busting smashes (see below).

As we entered the 80s, I felt I was getting a little long in the tooth to be flaunting it as a sex symbol / pop star and dedicated more and more time to television, and this began my rise as Miss Cilla Blaaack, everyones favourite red haired scouser!! Although Surprise Surprise was a big hit and I loved singing the theme tune every week, it was Blind Date which was and still is the pinnacle of my career.

But now I feel the time has come to treat you, the fans, with a little something I found in my garden shed last week. It's a rare audio recording from the pilot show of Blind Date. The video masters no longer exist so this is the only surviving evidence of this special program. I hope you enjoy it - with all my heart

- Cilla xxxxxx

Click Here Chucks!

Welcome to the Jungle

See the She-Demons dance to the sound of Jungle Drums!! from 0=2

Farmy Flippy & Dreamy Wendy

Another classic from the Gibs vid...

Instant Cack

John Lennon wrote and recorded Instant Karma in the same day. It was out as a single 9 days later. He spent the interim period in a bag with Yoko Ono. They were inadvertently sold as a chair to some students - BUT NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THAT.

With this, my intention was to take an old song (The GWF's Serious Boredom Mantra), record it in one go and have it on the Net in an hour - which is exactly what I've done. Consequently, it's a bit ropey.

It's just me singing and playing live - until the end when I couldn't resist overdubbing a little twiddly solo.

Yo Derren!

Another track from the weird Derren Brown project I told you about in the very first blog post. I rewrote a set of lyrics some pencil-necked dork had contributed, then recorded them using FruityLoops for the backing.

If you don't quite understand the penultimate verse, that's because the names refer to people who used to hang out on the forum. I edited out most of them - that bit went on forever in the original lyrics.

Impossible!!!

More Gibs wholesomeness for your delictation...

Anyone for some Flapjack?

This gibs production tells the harrowing tale of what happens when oat based snacks are damaged...

Birds of the River Colne

I have just stumbled over this local wildlife documentary on YouTube!

a spineymedia production

Journeys into the Unknown - 0=2

Here's a trio of tasters from the forthcoming CD Journeys into the Unknown by 0=2.

p.s. Spot the Hodgie sample! ;-)

Luigi

Dwellers in Silence

Seeds of Warriors

Work in progress from the slow moving machine

Welcome to my first of many posts, blog-pickers...

As you may already know, I dabble. I'm a dabbler in muzak. A dabbler in the style of a really slow thing that dabbles in short bursts over months and years. So, occasionally, after investing and digesting time and effort, I squeeze one out from the starfish of my mind. After plenty of grunting, a perfectly formed mp3 comes out and drops on the floor to the sound not disimilar to that of a cat barfing.

These are very rare occasions... I give you the only existing track from my next album 'Folds', and it's called 'Rotation'.

Click the play button and wait for loading.

Is Mr. Twain in denial?

I'm becoming concerned about our dear friend Mr. Twain (More commonly known as Karl Karcass of the GWF to CVC fans).
I have stumbled across this little known gem of possible sexual denial on the Internet and feel I must share this hearfelt ditty here on the CVC blog.

We're Not Gay - by Mr. Twain

It is my hypothesis that in order to see the truth behind an opinion one must turn it on it's behind and view it backwards, which leads me to believe that there is more to Twain's sexuality than meets the eye - any comments?

Olivia photographs Donald Syndrome in London

Here's a few nice pix of the infamous Donald Syndrome gigging in London, courtesy of Olivia Hemingway.

Kipz Party Summer 2005 - Jussy's Psychotropic Drum Session

Here's a nice little drumming scene from Kipz' Party in 2005...

The Fog - The Blog

Hello Peeps!

I'm loving this new Blog thing - cheers to the Hodge boys for setting it up! I'm gonna be posting some video rarities as soon as I can get all the tech up and running - some stuff I have in mind: Jeff Lawson & Donald Syndrome Live at the Parish Pump, Clock live at Greenhead College, Bruce Lee V Chuck Norris, Some Gibs stuff, Kipz Lake District Holiday fun (Including Kipz Sings 'Quest for Fire' by Iron Maiden)and anything else I can think of - In the meantime here are some photos that may be of interest to some of the CVC posse but weren't really suitable for the main site...

Here's a pic that features a young Joel Haslam aka Kitten Boy from Donald Syndrome on the right and also ex Piss drummer Jamie Thornton in the middle. Eagle eyed viewers may also spot a young Vic Campbell attempting to mount the shed wall.

Here are a bunch of girls - 3 of which have had the dubious honour of becoming intimate with CVC veterans - can you guess which?

Here's a nice little pic of Mister Kipling and housemat Daz - the calm before the storm taken before one of Kipz infamous house parties - Expect some video footage of the party soon...

Things You Shouldn't Do - Part 1...

...never play as a covers band, even if it's for charity.

These people used to be CVC superstars in the GWF, Laffmad and Octafish. Except the old bloke at the back playing guitar. He was just some guy we were press ganged into having for the event. That was fun.

Peas and Fleas

We're testing out a Flash based, inline MP3 player - which in future will be used for distributing podcasts from these pages. By "we" I mean "me". I'm so ace.

Here we are playing the ukulele. Of course, by "we"...

Mind Control

This video for Mind Control by Colne Valley Chaos stalwart Mr Twain (AKA Karl Karcass out of the GWF) was made by odd weirdo Derren Brown fans off the Internet. They didn't even ask or nuffink!

Tom of Mile High Henry fame thinks I should fancy this bint. I said "Tom, you are blind. Also, your penis is long and thin, like a straw or a pencil".

He couldn't say anything back because IT IS TRUE.