Kipz Party and New 0=2 Album

Hi Folks - well, I got inspired to try and get an album out of all the muzak I did this Summer in time for Kipz party, which is tonight!

It's compiled but I don't know whether or not i'll have 'em ready in time - but at least I have finally come up with a tracklist that I think works ok.

Here's a little taste of the cover (quick job but ok!) and I'll be releasing a second mini album (probably internet only) for all the leftovers that didn't make it on here.

Henry's Smoking Column: Case studies 2453, 753 & 9

The Mayfair cigarette: a conundrum. One suspects that the manufacturers hope the branding brings to mind swanky addresses, debs parties and cut glass accents. What it actually conjures up is dreary xmasses playing endless games of monopoly and tawdry top-shelf men's magazines. A cheap and nasty stick with the taste of rhinoceros dung. Leave it!

The problem with Consulate is actually asking for it at the counter. You stride purposefully toward the attendant, attempting to exude a kind of Humphrey Bogart cool and place your order. The affect is that you actually want 'Embassy' but have forgotten the word. Essential for oral hygeine. Persist.

The origins of the 'Camel' brand are little known even in the world of cigarette research. The blend was originally hand rolled in Izmir in the west of Turkey and the sticks were known simply as 'sigara.' In the 1850s, the blend was so popular and difficult to get hold of that the crown prince of Jafuff traded his 5th wife, Roulana for a single box of 420 sticks. In her youth she had been a well-known and sought after beauty who frequented many of the smoking dens of Ankara and "smoked," so the trade was well publicised. Her hedonistic self-abuse and the rapid pace of the prince's life-style at that time, however, had taken its toll on her features and left her with the appearance of a dromedary. The nick-name persists to this day. Superlative student cigarette, especially in soft pack. Split 20 with a friend.

Feel The Stag!

Here's a couple of doings that came from the sessions earlier this year from 0=2

Highlander Mashup (McCloud on Mushrooms Mix)
Highlander II - The Quickening

Update

Here's the full mix after Jason asked for it - Hope your brain is ok at the end of it!

Highlander - The Full Mix

Oblivion

THE YEAR, dearest chums, was 1990. The beginning of a new decade, a decade away from a new millennium. It was in that year that the Genital Wart Factor reconvened after a four year hiatus, pared down to the core duo of Karl and Jon.

The first meeting was monumental. Karl was returning from a shopping expedition to Bostock's record emporium to purchase a Greek import version of The Pixie's Doolittle. Jon, who was waiting for a bus, glanced over at Karl and wondered whether he should say hello. Being Jon, he chose not to. What a knob.

Karl recovered swiftly from Jon's blanking, Jon recovered swiftly from Karl's beating and soon they were back doing what they did best; shouting offensive songs into tape recorders for the pleasure of the bedroom band community.

If the previous incarnation of the GWF was fueled by tea, biscuits and ennui, this version was powered by cider, joints of pot and break-up related bitterness. Both GWFer's had been through the relationship wringer at this point, returning to Huddersfield with stone in their hearts and dope in their tobacco tins. And they were going to abuse both.

During this period, two new cassettes of material were recorded. One of them contained a particularly billious song called "Oblivion"; a lilting ballad that told a tale of love lost and lost some more. Karl and Jon, who wrote it, proclaimed that it was the break-up song to end all break-up songs. Unfortunately the pop industry weren't listening at the time and that's why people still keep releasing new, shit songs about love gone wrong.

Fast forward 15 years. Karl is now Chairman of ICI, owner of BMW and Grand Poo Bah of the Freemasons. Jon sells his piss stained knickers to coke fiend stock brokers on the Internet.

The Genital Wart Factor got together one last time (without Jon) to re-record this seminal slice of semenal invective.

Take it away, Karl. And don't bring it back:

Oblivion

Carol Vorderman's Diary

TUESDAY

The Wide World InterWeb is not as harmless as I thought. In PC World the other day I was accosted by a young man wearing a red badge.

"It's you isn't it?"
"Why yes. Yes it is." I replied, "Would you like a consonant or a vowel?"
"Whatever," the youth said, "Where's your curly tail?".

I telephoned Gyles Brandreth in dictionary corner to find out what my appropriate response should be. After some time agreeing on the correct spelling I replied to the youth;

"I'm positively filled with indignation. What do you mean 'curly tail'?"

The spotty one took me over to the machines in the corner, next to the machines in the middle and the machines by the wall. There he showed me an InterWeb site entailed 'Celebrity Animals'. Alongside photographs of Carol Smile as a meerkat and Anne Robinson as an orangutang, I saw a picture of me. Only not me. It was a pig me.

"Oh my god". I sputtered, "You have a computer capable of performing acts of voodoo. I must campaign against this immediately."

WEDNESDAY

Groggily made my way to GMTV studio after night spent arranging mirrors to see if curly tail still present. Pleased to see that other pig features have worn off since photograph was taken. Even though I am unable to recollect the occasion am disturbed by lingering feeling that I have 12 nipples arranged in parallel along my belly. Interviewed by Lorraine Kelly, herself a victim of Internet animal voodoo (rhinoceros).

"So Carol, you say that a black magic Web site has been turning celebrities into animals and photographing them," said Lorraine, interviewing me.
"Yes. And I will not rest until every last one of those animal magicians is off the Internet and behind bars. The way to start is by rounding up everyone who owns a computer and shooting them in the extremities. Then we should ask them if they turned me into a pig and then took pictures of me. If they say no we should let them go. If not then... by gum!"
"Very good, Carol. So you were a pig. That's a very dirty animal." said Lorraine.
"No Lorraine, that's where you're wrong. Pigs are very clean animals. Unlike Rhinos."
"I see. Well it's nice to see you again and we wish you luck with your campaign. Now it's time to return to Inch Loss Island."
"Oink." I said.

*Any resemblance to Carol Vorderman off Countdown is purely coincidental. This is a different Carol Vorderman altogether. As in A fictional character who happens to be called Carol Vorderman. OK?

Henry's Smoking Column: Case study 151

John Player Special

In the mid eighties I spent three months smoking only John Player Specials. At the time they were highly regarded, but that didn’t stop me publishing the following slating:

“There is no cigarette more redolent of fibreglass than the John Player Special, and none more indolent than those who partake of them.

Oafish and loud, JPS smokers have over-inflated ids and tiny underpants. Their demeanour is that of one who spies for east European radicals wanting a) the secret recipe of pot noodles and b) to know what will happen next to the Gold Blend couple.

The cigarettes themselves are manufactured in the sixth circle of hell - that's why the packet is black. You may stumble across them being traded for moon dust on Thursdays in Dorset, as I have on many occasions. I have yet to discover why moon dust is important in hell.

Each and every JPS stick contains a human soul that whispers 'Thank you John' when one sucks on the lit fag. Lighting the JPS is easy. A naked flame will jump several metres across a room to oblige and the smoking experience is one of dampened enthusiasm for the Oxbridge boat race.”

The file on John Player Special continues to grow: I recently discovered quite by accident (I fell into a hell pit whilst walking in the Peak District and got chatting with a minor demon) the importance of moon dust. It is essential to entrap the souls of the damned in the cigarette. The process technicalities are in the realms of advanced and relatively arcane magik. Thaumaturgy plays an important role, but to divulge more would put my source in danger.

Further developments on this file are promised. My demon friend and his mates are coming round to mine for lasagne on Thursday...

Spiney V P Diddy

Spiney's YouTube channel Blackadderextras has been mentioned on MTV.com as part of a backlash against P. Diddy's new Burger King / YouTube Venture.

'And there are plenty of users like Dorn, expressing their frustration in manners both increasingly bizarre (the U.K.'s BlackAdderExtras, who took Diddy's spot and turned it into a rather tedious house track) and disturbing (one rant, by a wide-eyed blond kid, borders on racist psycho-babble). But will the rising negative sentiments be enough to pull the plug on Diddy TV?'

Click here for the full article

Here's the Diddy's orginal vid:

And here's Spiney's mangled versions:

FOGJAS! JASFOG! Or NOT JAS FOG!

Yet more obsessive tape trawling has brought forth these three little dittys which turned up on the end of a Gary Clail / Tackhead tape.




jas1
jas2
jas3


Update - I have just been informed that these tracks are not JasFog and are more likely to be JasClemLen - I thought I remembered playing keyboards, especially on the first track but I think it's probably safest to call these tracks Jas tracks with guest stars - If Len or Clem drops by can you confirm your presence on these tracks?

More Tape Trawling - this time it's Spiney's turn...

Here's a trio of strange Spiney songs I found lurking on a tape today...

Firstly a nice strumming mellow kinda song...

Used to Be

These two are a little out there -- the second guest stars Jack Holding (I think that's the name) and i'm not sure who's on the first, possibly Happy Dave?

Noise Mix 1
Noise Mix 2

Psychedelics Documentary - Featuring Tom Taylor

What the frag have I stumbled on here - this sounds like a student audio doc - it's all about Psychedelics and features Tom Taylor, Kips and I think Ilsa (sorry if i've spelt that wrong) may be in there and Wevs.

It also features music by Hawkwind, The Doors and Giblets & Cheese!

Click Here to listen to Psychedelics!

Chaos Inspiration Pt 1: Ivor Cutler

I thought it'd be interesting to post some entries up about the things that inspired our mental music making...

Ivor Cutler was a somewhat subconscious influence on the GWF and subsequent Santaphobia strands of doss bandage. I never owned a single record by him, but I would listen to his poems and music on the John Peel show late at night under the covers of my bed on a red transistor radio shaped like a big lozenge. Sometimes I would read Spider-Man comics simultaneously, using a Subbuteo floodlight as a torch.

In later years I met an art student who interviewed Cutler for his dissertation. He described a polite and particular man who invited him home and served tea. When the interview finished Cutler walked my friend back to the train station, pushing his bicycle. Along the way they enountered a large dog turd in the middle of the pavement. Cutler took out a little plastic pot and peppered the dog doo with hundreds and thousands - the multicoloured sprinkles you get on cakes...

As I said, I never owned a Cutler record, but this clip shows quite clearly that his music seeped into my brain and made a big impression on the GWF:

Henry's Smoking Column

Hello and welcome to Henry’s Smoking Column.

A long time ago now, I gave up being in a doss band and got a proper job as a smoke journalist. What is a smoke journalist, you ask? In my new column for this august blog, I intend to acquaint you with my work, my inner world, my findings and musings.

Case Study No 1946: West

The West cigarette is not one that imbues the smoker with any air of grace, style or even humanity. The image one portrays as the first fag is tapped out of the ill-conceived packet is that of a line dancing simpleton who, given half a chance, would wear a pink plaid shirt with the sleeves ripped off and a comedy 10 gallon hat the size of Gibraltar with the legend "Howdy, y'all" at their own mother's funeral. The West smoker affects a saddle-sore bow-legged gait and if one listens closely, they can be heard making the sound of spurs chinking under their breath with each step.

West cigarettes are manufactured under license by a panel beater called Jim in Cleethorpes and upon close inspection, each cigarette has the message "John Wayne was big leggy" down its length, like Blackpool rock. It is extremely difficult to light the stick without the use of an oxy-acetelene burner or match and the smoking experience is one of finding that where once you had flowing, golden locks of hair, you now possess leaves. Best avoided.

Ben Phillips - Tape Discovered

Hi there - these tracks are all from an unmarked tape I discovered yesterday, I'm pretty sure this is Ben's stuff and as such is part of a very small amount of material that survives. I also have some other stuff on CD and am planning on putting a page up for him on the CVC site soon.


Trance
Insane Arpeggiator
TV Mashup
Heaven (Life after Death)
Trip
Spooky Experiments

This ones for Jus!

Very Busy Granny by 0=2

The Best Of Madeira 2004

Do you ever get the feeling that this blog is moving ever so slightly away from its original mission, to highlight the musical offerings of dossbandland? Well, I do - but frankly, hardly anyone reads this blog so I don't give a floppy flying flip flap.

After admiring Fog's lovely holiday videos, I ventured in to my external hard drive to dig out this little piece of hobby material.
Its a cut down version of one of my holiday videos from 2004. I like this 8 minute 42 second version alot more than the original one I committed to DVD at 36 minutes 50 seconds.

Don't expect great laughs, its a family affair...

Rising High: Psychodelic path of discovery

Just wanted to send out big shouts of thanks to all the hottie nurses who recently demanded sexual favours in return for access to high quality medication(s) (I wish) the Lignocaine & Morphine were simply exquisite, and has truly been a great inspiration to my music – thank you! Student nurses rock!

Ostrich Tentacles: Digital joygasm & new beginnings...

Recently myself & various despicable Colne Valley reprobates hit an Ozric Tentacles gig in Manchester for Fogs birthday (where I proceeded to embarrass the hell out of everyone by skating through the streets & knocking into various smashed hippies in the Academy with my deck) - utterly delicious! I was totally inspired by the experience, and as a result I've found myself left with a strong desire to start making music again (after a lengthy 6/7 year break due to uni etc)! In this way I've begun playing around with sound(s) again, so you can expect some new material (as well as old) to slowly emerge as time goes by! Just been doing a sound check & seen as though it’s kept me up until 5:46 am Saturday morning I thought I'd record it & post it to justify the sleep deprivation (its not a song) but its a taste of things to come!

Snagglepuss.mp3

Young Frankenstein

Here's a very silly 0=2 song...


Franky by 0=2

Ambient Reverb

Here's a track by 0=2 that was heavily inspired by Aphex Twin.

Hodred by 0=2

Summer Holiday Part 3

Things were looking good on the morning of day 3. The birds were singing and the sun was shining through the clouds. The drive to Scafell Pike was pretty gorgeous as the Sun was starting to illuminate the hills. I was convinced that this was to be the glorious day of the trip. Then it started to seem like we were driving away from the warmth and sunshine, and things started to look more foreboding. We pressed on regardless and by the time we arrived at the base of the mountain it had become almost gale force even on ground level. And so of we went...