A bunch of southern softies have stolen the name of our birthplace!
http://www.colnevalley.com/
We sent Flippy to sort them out... Read his diatribe here.
Or - if they've deleted it, which they probably have by now, read on:
Hello from the REAL Colne Valley
Hello,
My name is Farmer Flippy, and I have been sent by a delegation of true Colne Valley residents to bring advanced warning that they are not amused with you Internet types telling people you are from the "Colne Valley" when you clearly are not.
The Colne Valley is actually an eight mile stretch of, erm... valley in West Yorkshire between Huddersfield and Manchester. They film "Where the Heart is" there and quite a lot of "Last of the Summer Wine". And everything.
Your Colne Valley is rubbish and, as it appears to be in Essex, is probably full of chavs and bummers.
So - we'd like to ask you nicely to stop calling yourself "The Colne Valley" when you clearly are just a bunch of southern pretenders.
If you refuse, we may be forced to bring our crack flock of SAS sheep to attack your stupid soft vilages which are undoubtedly full of girls resplendent in orange lipstick and white boots. "Luv a duck!" they may cry, as the stampeding rams crush them. "Cor blimey Guvnor!" you might say, as we unleash our killer cows on your children, and your children's children.
So, think on. I've eaten my fish fingers and I'm not afraid of you!
Farmer Flippy
We encourage you, chaosers, to register and give them what for! Whatever that means...
5 comments:
It's still there - and you have a reply...
You mean Flippy has a reply...
oh yeah --- flippy -- how is he doing these days?
He has piles and his wife has left him. His Daughter ran away to Amsterdam to become a man and is now living on Coronation Street. Also, with the downturn in locally sourced livestock he's diversified his business into aromatherapy massage and cock puppetry.
Helloooo!
As you can't see, my mustache has turned a little grey these days. I get to see Flowella Flippy on the last Sunday of every month - I can't take her anywhere as I only get to see her by the means of a photograph from her kidnappers.
My ex-wife doesn't live in Coronation Street anymore, She fell off the edge of the set in to Animal Hospital and now She's much happier. It even reminded her a bit about the good times we used to have and She's even made some vague hints about us getting back together. It's still early days.
Sadly, Dreamy Wendy died a couple of years ago due to a blow to the head. It broke my sythe. Afterall, I think it's what She would have wanted. The Mutton was lovely and I thought it was her way of thanking me for all the love and attention I'd given her over the years. Awww! I can still taste her... Lovely.
Donald Syndrome is still shitting out Fish Fingers, however I can no longer eat them due to my severe IBS. I've had the donkey installed in the local infant school.
Goodbye my friends!
P.S. Flowella's kidnappers are demanding a helicopter, $20,000 and a life-sized sculpture of Judith Hann for Tomorrows World, fashioned entirely from Sherbet, Condensed Milk and Swarfega.
If you can help - please contact me here.
Thanks.
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